Hey, fokes. Didje see this? The illegal immigration problem is solved! DaddyO is sendin’ troups down air to stop them illegal aliens an dope smugglers frum comin’ across our border an litterin’ Arizona. Ding Dong!
Huh? Y’say thair’s jist 1250 troups? Uh-oh. Another committee at work? Oh? Y’say it might not be a whole 1250? The wordin’ is up to 1250? Ain’tat kinda like at ad I saw at said up to $1000 off on at car I wanted? An when I got thair it was jist $50 off but it didn’t include the wheels? Well. ‘ey said… We didn’ say it’d be a thousand fer sure. We said “up to.” Looky here… Says it right here in the ad.
Yeh, but this is differnt. We’re bein’ cooperative. We’re gittin’ together, an at’s whut counts. DaddyO an some senators ‘n such had a meetin’ about illegal immigration. An we all know meetin’s are ever bit as good as committees when it comes to gittin’ thangs done.
An ebm if we sent the whole 1200, at wouldn’t be enough for border runners t’notice, so we wouldn’ make the Mexican president mad, cause he’d know he could still send his fokes over f’jobs an all. Talk about togetherness! We got it both ways. An when y’can do sumpm an not do it at the same time, at’s real togetherness… cooperation… bipartisanship an ALL at stuff. I feel SO satisfied!
An rejoice, fokes. Today’s the day they’re gonna plug at gusher hole in the Gulf an’ stop at nonsense of a leaky oil well. Ain’t no contraption done it yet, but now they’re gittin serious! They’re gonna throw mud at it. Ta-da! Teach at sucker a lesson!
So how d’we know it’s gonna work? At’s easy. Throwin’ mud always works in politics, an at’s the toughest fight in the world. I don’t know why they didn’ thank abou’tat before. Now if ‘ey could send some politicians down t’the bottom a’the Gulf an’ let them sling mud t’their little heart’s content – an’ey are little hearts – at would be perfick.
Come ta think of it, mud works wunders in lotsa places. Women put it on’eir faces, cause it’s spose ta make ugly women look purty. An air’s some of’em back home at could shore stand some purty’in up. Mud’s used t’muddy the water when y’don’t wont people t’understand whut you’re really sayin. It’s purfick in y’coffee cup, specially when it’s been in a real seasoned pot all night. An’ “here’s mud in y’eye” is used a lot t’toast people (now thair’s a line at could stand a little work).
Maybe Siggy could help. After all he did invent the slip. An he did come up with this handy sayin’: “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” – Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)
