Tiger Woods Headed for Divorce Court?  Y’coulda knocked me over with a tea leaf!

Who’da thunk it? Tiger Woods, the big Tigger, gittin’ throwed out by his wife, jist cause he hung out with whores? How bout gittin throwed out cause a’dumb?

Larry King NOT Getting Divorced.

Larry King not gittin divorced? Pass the tea leaves agin. Whut’s the world comin to? I mean Larry’s the divorce king. How could he disappoint his fans? Don’t fans go for the whole man? Ain’t divorce f’the divorce king parta that? Sob!

U.S. to Split Up Agency Policing the Oil Industry

Hands still bein’ rung over the Gulf oil spill. Not inny more. DaddyO’s got the problem solved. Jist divide up the gummint gang at’s spose t’be responsible fer oil spills. At’ll do it! Dang. Why didn’t I thank’a that. Another batch’a gummint fokes messin’ with thangs’ll git it fixed. Duh-h!

Revamped Microsoft Office Will Be Free on the Web

Ever time I see the word free, I gi’tiss funny feelin’ down in my gut. Sumpm like a big cat’s about to pounce the second I reach fer whutever’s spose t’be free. An’ shore enough, thay’s a catch t’this. A catch t’sumpm frum Microsoft? Shorely not. But with not many choices fer this ole rattle trap computer, I read on.

If I use this thang, they’s gonna put ads on whut I write. Well at might be the only way anybody ever will, but I read on. Ha. If y’don’t wont the ads, it costs $500. Still determined, I read on. It’s called a “chimera” by iss ole boy at’s writin about it. Now hold on. I gotta webster that’n. Hmm… says here at means…
a.    An organism, organ, or part consisting of two or more tissues of different genetic composition, produced as a result of organ transplant, grafting, or genetic engineering.
b.    Huh? (At’s me thankin)
c.    I thank I like issun better: A fanciful mental illusion or fabrication.
See? Thangs jist kinda work out if y’let’em.

Once in a while, we get a break from the Washington Madness, and get caught up in something like March Madness. Last night was such a night. And two teams played magnificently right down to the last second.

INDIANAPOLIS — The ball is in the air. And because the ball is in the air, anything is possible. Miracle? Heartbreak? Pandemonium? Silence? Yes. Anything. That’s the beauty of a magical game like this, and also the pain. The basketball is in the air. If it misses, Duke wins one of the greatest championship games ever. And if it goes in and it looks like it is going in, Butler wins the greatest game that has ever been played. (1)

But Washington Madness is too fat to ignore for long. As in “A year-long effort by the Securities and Exchange Commission to overhaul its enforcement of laws against corporate crime has run into courtroom setbacks and internal skepticism, underlining how difficult it is for the agency to remake itself as a get-tough cop.”(WP)

And then, from the NYT, “The panel established by Congress to investigate the causes of the financial crisis has been hobbled by delays and internal disagreements and a lack of focus, according to interviews with a majority of its members and government officials briefed on its work.” (2)

Duh-h. And DaddyO wants the gummit to run MORE? He and the rest of the gang are going to outsmart Wall Street’s brightest by doing financial reform? Starting with the Senate Agriculture Committee outsmarting the Street gang who do derivatives? But first, Daddy, take 17-minutes and explain it all to us, like you explained health care in Charlotte the other day.

Now to a different madness: Starring a smaller ball and a Tiger.

A new game: Tiger Woods PGA Tour Online is being released Tuesday by Electronic Arts, in time for Woods’s return to the Masters.

“The first time I met Tiger Woods, in 2005, I was shocked to find myself talking to a real person.

Standing in a deserted Sheep Meadow in Central Park, he waved off his handful of P.R. people, and we spent about 15 minutes just talking about video games. Personable, gregarious and altogether down to earth, he lighted up as he told me how much he enjoyed the Socom special forces games because his father had been a soldier.” (3)

Can somebody assure us that we’ll get around to seeing the Masters as an actual golf game sometime this week? Duh-h

And the child-molesting priests just keep on being hidden deeper in Pop’s system. Again, strike the un from unbelievable. “A Catholic priest who has been criminally charged with sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl in Minnesota six years ago is still working in his home diocese in India despite warnings to the Vatican from an American bishop that the priest continued to pose a risk to children, according to church documents made public on Monday.” (4)

But don’t get excited, Pop. These Indian kids aren’t smart enough to know whether the priest is molesting or just administering communion wine.

Look out Toyota. Daddy-O is about to smite you! It says here in the WP that federal regulators are seeking to fine Toyota $16.4 million for waiting four months or more before notifying safety officials about vehicles with a “sticky pedal” defect. Wow! A 16.4 mil chunk out of your billions. That’ll teach you to go around killing people.

And here’s DaddyO gettin’ tough again… A year after his groundbreaking pledge to move toward a “world without nuclear weapons,” President Obama on Tuesday will unveil a policy that constrains the weapons’ role but appears more cautious than what many supporters had hoped, with the president opting for a middle course in many key areas. (WP) But SURELY he’ll still be just as tough on Iran. We CAN count on that, can’t we?

Then we’re told President Obama will sit down Tuesday with about 20 black religious leaders, including representatives of the major African American denominations, in the second White House meeting in three months to discuss the needs of the black community. (WP)

Religious leaders? After all this flak on Bush and Faith-Based initiatives? Oh, you say Democrats and Black Churches just go together? And we can cmpaign there all we want to, but Republicans can’t campaign in White Churches? Duh-h. Understood. Perfectly. It’s always been that way. And we certainly aren’t going to CHANGE anything, are we?

And how do we know that? The same way we know this: The Washington Nationals will win 74 games this year. The Democrats will lose five Senate seats in November. The high today will be 86 degrees, but it will feel like 84. (By David A. Fahrenthold, The Washington Post) David! You sure your name isn’t really Fahrenheit?

And dat’s all, folks. All DuhNooz that’s not fit to print.

(1) via Plucky Duke earns greatness by outlasting Butler in magical bout – Joe Posnanski – SI.com.

(2) via A Congressional Panel, Hobbled in Its Financial Inquiry – NYTimes.com.

(3) via Video Game Review – Tiger Woods PGA Tour Online – Tiger Woods, at the Virtual Tee First – NYTimes.com.

(4) via Priest Charged in U.S. Is Still Serving in India – NYTimes.com.

It seems that it is not only sports writers who are obsessed with this revelation, but it appears that everyone with access to a computer or microphone is trying to find space to voice an opinion. Even the national newscasts had to made mention of this momentous event.

You would think that we had just discovered a cure for cancer, with all the hubbub that rippled through the world of so-called journalism. Never had so many spent so much time analyzing something of so little importance… the man is going back to work.

I have a tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt. Personally, I thought his public confession was very sincere and included two or three parts of a 12- step program. I also think that journalists and broadcasters who really know none of the true facts about how Tiger and Elin are working things out should keep their overblown criticism and judgment to themselves and deal only with verifiable facts.

Those who rush to judgment about his returning to golf too soon after the devastating revelations of the past four months should take a good hard look in the mirror. What is it about their perfect lives that gives them the right to dictate time, conditions and appropriate dues-paying to someone who has just gone through the most traumatic time of his life.

It is quite probable that returning to golf is part of his therapy and rehab. The worst thing that Tiger could do would be to sit around the house and get more and more despondent. As long as he is sincerely facing his demons and truly trying to turn his life around, then we do not need to condemn, we need to support.

Well…since it is also my home, I will acknowledge my prejudice right up front by saying that it is a wonderfully private and all accepting community.  Windermere is an isthmus surrounded by seven lakes known as the Windermere Chain.  It is located about 12 miles southwest of downtown Orlando and at one time was a place for summer lake homes for those living in the surrounding area.  No one paid particular notice to the area until two things happened:  Walt Disney World and Arnold Palmer.

When Disney began to move California executives into the area they all seemed to immediately discover the quiet and secluded neighborhoods of Windermere.  Not long after that, Arnold and his partners thought the area would be just right for an upscale golf course, and Bay Hill was built nearby; followed a few years later by the Isleworth community and golf course. That attracted some of the greatest golfers in the world.  Why?  Several things: it was gated, patrolled by security, close to a world class airport and located in the state of Florida, which has no state income tax.  Put all of this together with year around golfing weather and you have a natural athlete magnet.

In addition to golfers many other athletes, entertainers, business executives and just plain folks have decided that this is a pretty nice place to live.  All of this to say that Windermere is a melting pot of old-line Floridians, newcomers, wealthy and the not so wealthy, and some just getting by.  What makes the place so unique is that nobody cares how much you make or what you do… a neighbor is family and family overrules everything else.  It is a true community, which is why when the media descended on the area after the Thanksgiving mishap of Tiger Woods, no one was enthralled.  We couldn’t wait to see the storm blow over and get these “media types” on their way to smell out another carcass.

Tiger lives here.  This is his home. and those who live in the area respect his privacy and hope that his life and the lives of his wife and children have not been permanently scarred.  This community wants to be a healing agent.  We don’t throw stones, we offer security and peace.

Maybe that’s why, once you move here, you don’t want to leave.