Well y’probly found out by now that none’a that stuff works. So since everbody’s lookin’ fer it, we went’n found it f’everbody. Here it is: technology. Ding Dong! We got it now! Who says? The BBC fer one. Jis’ look at whu’tay say:

“Technology linked to happiness, study claims

“BCS, the Chartered Institute for IT, analysed the results of a survey of 35,000 people around the world. Access to communication devices was found to be the most valued.”

See? there’s y’happiness. Jist pick up y’iPhone an shout hallaluya!

Then they’s this’un:

Celebrity Twitter messages show happiness
“Researchers at the University of Edinburgh have been analysing celebrity Twitter messages in a bid to find out how happy the senders are.

Basketball player Shaquille O’Neale was said to be the happiest tweeter, followed by cyclist Lance Armstrong and television presenter Jonathan Ross. The rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg was the least happy.”

Now don’tat make sense? We’re on t’sumpm here. Also, BBC wonts us t’know that Almost four in five people around the world believe that access to the internet is a fundamental right. ‘Ey foun’dat out by takin’ another survey.

But hold on. Ey’s always somebody messin’ thangs up. Readers Digest pokes its head up an says iss:

Harvard Psychologist Daniel Gilbert has made happiness his lifelong pursuit an he says happiness is walkin t’work an goin to church. The church part is not about religion, he says, it’s about holdin hands ‘n singin’ an knowin’ somebody there would bring you soup if you got sick. We needed at Harvard psychologist t’come up with ‘at? Duh-h.

Then Forbes really messes it up for everybody when ‘ey predict that by the year 2020 tech will be so commonplace that we won’t even notice it. KILLJOYS! Whut’ll we do fer happiness then?

Why d’they take s’many polls anyhow? They all are spose t’say whut us people like, wont, give, take, do… if this is gittin tiresome, join the cumpny. An whut differnce does it make? The gummint don’t do whut most Americans wont anyway.

Instead they jist keep on doin’ nuthin… ‘cept when it comes to whut we don’t wont. Then thay be sure an do that. But mostly they jist say they’re gonna do sumpm soon as ‘ey thank about it fer a while.

Like on at immigration thang. How long ‘ey been thankin’ about that? Bush wuz, Clinton wuz, Reagan wuz. Anybody remember when ‘ay wuzn’t? Now, Airizona makes a law that says it’s illegal t’be a illegal immigrant in Arizona. Huh? Wadn there already a law like at? Like a U.S. Gummint law that says it’s illegal t’come across the border illegally? Don’t seem like it, cause ‘ey ain’t gonna do nuthin ’bout it if you do. Duh-h.

Now Obama says he don’t like Arizona’s law. Don’t matter that most Americans say they do. ‘Course whut he really don’t like is they’re doin’ it without his permission, an’ he’s the big Daddy-O. Don’t no sausage git made in this house ‘less he says so. We don’t know know whut we like, only the gummint does.

Or if y’got two bunches a’people – one big one little – the little bunch is the one that gits whut it wonts. So that’s whut democracy is. Ding Dong! I learn sumpm ever day!

I’d say I’m confused, bu’tat would be normal. Like uncle Jedrow says, “If it makes sense, that ain’t the way it works. Least when it comes to anythang the gummint does.”