Mel Gibson? Wooden ye say he’s a purty smart guy t’be able t’do all ‘em movies an stuff? Well, we cain’t have no success like at. Lessee now… whut could we do t’turn all at success inta failure? I know. I got it. Less make some vile, racist remarks. Oops at didn git the job done, so less hit a woman in the mouth an break’er teeth. An t’be sure it works, less wait ’til she’s got a baby in’er arms. Now, shorely at’ll do it.

But wait. Gittin’ some real failure goin is hard t’do when you’re use t’succeedin’ all the time. An’ now other Hollywooders are interferin’ with Mel’s attempts at failure. Maybe if ey’d jis leave him alone, he could do a good job uv it.

But no. Here comes Whoopie, whoopin’ up the fact that he’s been in her house, an she knows he ain’t no racist. Well at oughtta be enough t’foul up Mel’s attempt t’fail. Huh? In her house? He’s gonna act up an’ call her names? I guess not. Somebody oughtta tell Mel he could really do it at way though. Then he’d git on the View, an he could do all sorts a’sure t’fail remarks air, cause ever word a’that program gits repeated by other TV shows.

Then we got Obama. He’s helpin tremendously with BPs efforts t’make failure work on the Gulf coast. BP puts a bunch’a people down air outta work by messin’ up everthang with more oil goo than God’s got little green apples, bu’tat ain’t enough fer DaddyO. He tries t’put another hunderd thousand er so in the jobless lines by shuttin down drillin. But curses, he gits foiled by some judge at says he cain’t do that. So whut does he do next?

Well, not to be foiled at his failed promotion of failure, he gits his lawyer gang t’re-define his order t’shut down drillin. See, y’make it differnt, an’ the whole thang has t’start over in the courts. So it all repeats. If at first y’don’t make thangs fail… well we said at line before.

Then air’s students an’ cheatin. On whut? Everthang, but most important papers ‘ey gotta write an tests ‘ey gotta pass. Write sumpm by theyselves usin’ some research? Only dummies do that. Take a test without figgerin out how t’cheat on it? At’s fer real num-nums.

Besides, we can gi’tiss failure job done an’ make it seem like success. After all, however y’do it a good paper or a passin’ grade looks like success. An whut looks like success is the purfeck cover-up for failure later in life. Y’fail, an’ cain’t nobody figger out why, whut with all ‘em good grades.

We got it now. failin’ is the new success. We jist needed some more examples to git it through our hard heads. Duh–h!