At’s it! Why am I so brilliant? Why don’t we jis go ahead an call iss game and declare BP the winner, an all go on about our bidness? We could git one’a them World Cup refs t’make it official. Ey’re so good nobody could ever question ‘ey’re call, an we could all git t’see sumpm’ important like a celeb gittin’ out uv a car or sumpm. I miss at with all iss ugly oil takin’ up my screen time, don’tchu? Yay! Bring back Britny. I don’ know bou’tchu, but I miss seein’ at.

Turnin’ to politics now… don’tchy jis love the way i move frum one thang t’another? Turnin’ t’politics, the House has approved a low at says everbody’s gotta be truthful about who’s financin’ election campaigns. Hot Dawg. Now everbody in politics has got t’be honest. Ey’ve passed a law at says so. Now, we jis gotta git the Senate t’make it official an git DaddyO t’sign it. At’s a breeze! Everbody’s honest an don’t nobody lie in Washinton, so ‘ey’ll go right along with the program. Ain’tchy jis so proud uv’em?

An’ now we got ourselfs a mystry. At new iPhone is droppin’ calls when y’hold it a certain way. Ain’tchy glad we brung at news flash t’yore attention? I mean you thought the new iPhone wuz perfec didn’tchy? Now everbody at so enjoys dropped calls on ‘ey’re old iPhones can go right on with confidence at’ey’ll still have a perfect excuse f’not returnin’ the wife’s call at came at a inopportune time. “Remember, dear… I have an iPhone, y’know. An it drops calls ebm before I gittem…” See? Y’can relax now, men. At new iPhone’s perfec, jis like yore old one.

An speakin’a smart phones, whut ever happmd t’DaddyO’s Blackberry? He wuz fightin’ so hard t’keep it, but have you seen him use it lately? I know I ain’t had the pleasure. I’ll jis hafta git my cracked staff on at, an’ git back to ye.

Til then, remember whut Siggy said when he was developin the slip we all so enjoy: “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” –Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)