“A new Harvard study that found no increased risk of heart disease among meat eaters is generating a lot of buzz for red meat. ‘A Guilt-Free Hamburger,’ reads one headline. ‘Order the Steak,’ begins another.”

I don’t know about you, but that would be a joy-generating hurray for me. I like meat. Good, marbled, red meat. Cooked close enough to rare that there’s no doubt I’m having red meat. And that blog bit says to me, eat. Eat and be happy. But then they start backtracking. Sob.

“But the research, published this week in the journal Circulation, is not so much a celebration of red meat as it is an indictment of processed meats like bacon, sausage and deli meats. Eating one serving of those foods a day was associated with a 42 percent higher risk of heart disease and 19 percent increased risk of diabetes. But there was no increase in risk associated with eating unprocessed red meat.” (1)

Duh-h! Anybody know what they just said? Did they say something, then immediately take it off the table? Or did they prime us with one bit of hope just to destroy it with a major put-down of another group of beloved appetite soothers? Don’t these people called experts realize they’re applying major frustration to us people out here who just wanna eat?

And what’s their point? One day coffee’s good for you, the next day not. The wine you had for dinner last night was good for you then, this morning? Major turnaround! Warnings in the news! What IS their point?

Is this the battle of the food processors? Not the machines, people. The industries. One hires a bunch of experts at one “respected” U, the opposing processing team hires another and they go at it?

I think we got it. In fact exhustive research by this blog (consisting of reading one exhausting newspaper story) turned up a case. Vanderbilt U came out with a study on coffee that blessed fervently coffee addicts throughout the world. We all sighed relievedly.

Now let me remember… hmm… who paid for this study? Would you guess… could you believe… the coffee industry? Duh-h. All hope dashed again.

(1) via Don’t Bring Home the Bacon – Well Blog – NYTimes.com.

Well y’probly found out by now that none’a that stuff works. So since everbody’s lookin’ fer it, we went’n found it f’everbody. Here it is: technology. Ding Dong! We got it now! Who says? The BBC fer one. Jis’ look at whu’tay say:

“Technology linked to happiness, study claims

“BCS, the Chartered Institute for IT, analysed the results of a survey of 35,000 people around the world. Access to communication devices was found to be the most valued.”

See? there’s y’happiness. Jist pick up y’iPhone an shout hallaluya!

Then they’s this’un:

Celebrity Twitter messages show happiness
“Researchers at the University of Edinburgh have been analysing celebrity Twitter messages in a bid to find out how happy the senders are.

Basketball player Shaquille O’Neale was said to be the happiest tweeter, followed by cyclist Lance Armstrong and television presenter Jonathan Ross. The rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg was the least happy.”

Now don’tat make sense? We’re on t’sumpm here. Also, BBC wonts us t’know that Almost four in five people around the world believe that access to the internet is a fundamental right. ‘Ey foun’dat out by takin’ another survey.

But hold on. Ey’s always somebody messin’ thangs up. Readers Digest pokes its head up an says iss:

Harvard Psychologist Daniel Gilbert has made happiness his lifelong pursuit an he says happiness is walkin t’work an goin to church. The church part is not about religion, he says, it’s about holdin hands ‘n singin’ an knowin’ somebody there would bring you soup if you got sick. We needed at Harvard psychologist t’come up with ‘at? Duh-h.

Then Forbes really messes it up for everybody when ‘ey predict that by the year 2020 tech will be so commonplace that we won’t even notice it. KILLJOYS! Whut’ll we do fer happiness then?