They’s always mistakes, says baseball boss Bud Selig. But in baseball, we don’t correct our mistakes. We let’em stand, an at’s important t’the histry of the game. Down through the ages, everboy’s got t’know at we’re tough. We admit our mistakes an go on. Let the chips fall whur they may an’ all at stuff.

An at’s the way it should be. Baseball is histry. An histry is full a’uncorrected mistakes. It’s not ebm manly to admit’em, much less corrrect’em. An if you correct’em, you jist admitted’em. Y’see? Right thair, MLB makes itself better’n most politicians. An ain’tat sumpm t’brag about? Better than most politicians?

So whut if at boy out thair on the mound worked his tale off an’ didn’ make a mistake. Cain’t give him no credit f’that. He don’t git in the histry book f’bein perfect. Jist f’bein screwed. We’d rather let it be known at baseball don’t correct no mistakes. At would be unmanly.

I mean the game’s so borin we hafta put on side shows t’git peopl’s attention. Like scratchin, chewin an spittin’. Look. Any game whur one side don’t ebm score makes it perfect has got t’give people sumpm ta git their attention off the game. Fer us, at’s histry undiluted by such hypocrazy as correctin’ mistakes. An scratchin an chewin an spittin.

Instant replay? No way. At’s f’them wimps in football. Y’might as well take away scratchin an chewin an spittin. The game jist wouldn’ be the same. Next thang y’know, we’d have silly girls out thair dancin around an yellin an wavin pom poms. Now how manly is at?