Yay, Chicago! Y’gottchy guns back. The Supreme Court says the local gummint cain’t take’em away frum ye. So git ou’tair an party. Now not jis crimnals can have’em. Whut? Somebody say only militias are’spose t’hav’em. At’s Ok. All people whut wonts t’form a militia step right up. Legal Zoom’ll sell y’some papers. An’ y’can write in some extry rights, like maybe y’could form a Indian tribe an gitchy self a casino.
An my friend Junior could probly give ye some pointers on how t’run a successful militia. He’s got a paramilitary parafernalia store at sells to’em ever day, an he blongs t’one. So he knows whut makes’em shake.
I saw whur Atty Genral Eric Holder is speakin’ before the Metropolitan Black Bar Association. Whut? You mean t’tell me they’s a segregated club a’lawyers in New York City? An our own Atty Genral is speakin’ to’em? Hot dawg. Junior’ll probly have’im over t’speak t’his militia group about how t’make a segregated bunch’a good ole boys legal. Jis cause ‘ey’re all white don’t make no differnce does it?
An at Holder boy’d probly be glad t’speak some encouragin’ words, now that the big dawg court has made ‘eir guns specially legal. Holder does wanna uphold the law, don’t he? Shore. We all know that.
Oh, now at good ole boy Bill Clinton is offerin’ advice on how t’stop the gusher in the gulf. Amazin’ how at boy has sprouted out since the days uv his impeachment. Back home, everbody thought he’d go start a school t’teach the best ways t’lie an git by with it. But since the boy got t’be a millionaire, he’s got too big f’his britches. An since he’s got money, he’s welcome in all the respectable clubs. Fact I hear ‘ey all pay’im t’speak to ‘em. Over a hunderd grand is it?
Anyhow, his solution t’the gusher problem is t’blow it up. He’s also a scientist, y’know. He says send a bumb down’air an blow it up. Well, I guess at’d work. My daddy use blow up a lotta thangs with dynamite… back when y’could jist walk inta Midkiff’s Hardware Store in Mt. Airy an buy y’self a few sticks anytime y’wanted to. So we all use t’see whu’tat stuff’d do real quick. Problem wuz, y’never knowed whether it wuz gonna fill up a hole’er make it bigger.
Like at ole boy Siggy said when he invented the slip we all luv so much, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” – Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910
