Here it comes agin, fokes. Duh-hNooz… News that’s so hard t’blieve y’gotta blieve it.
BP helps a terrorist git loose? Hey, fokes. Don’tchy know everthangs fair in love an war and biness? An’ don’chy jist know everthang’s gonna turn out fair an square in at Gulf Gusher deal? Sooner or later everbody at lives down air will gi’teir main question answered: when does at BP damage money start flowin? Not to worry, fokes. Y’all will git paid sooner or later. See? Airs yer answer. Duh–h! Continue reading →
Dontchy jist feel so super good today! BP has the Gulf gusher stopped up, so nobody’s got t’worry bou’tat ole thang no more, AND ‘em gentlemen an gentle ladies in the Senate finely passed at new financial reform law, so y’don’t ever hafta worry boutchy money agin. DANG, ain’tchy s’proud!
But wait! Thairs more! Continue reading →
Posted in Environment, Issues, Politics, Religion, Waste, satire
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Tagged Apple, AT&T, BP, Congress, financial reform, gulf oil spill, iPhone, Sigmund Freud
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Ain’t we all so lucky t’live in America? I’m not talkin’ about freedom an at ole stuff. Here’s the real thang, fokes. The gummint has magic money at jist spends an spends without doin’ anything to make it but print it, so why cain’t everybody else. Naw-w I don’t mean printchy own money. I mean git MAGIC money. In fact, the gummint must thank everbody’s money is already magic, cause ey’ve made up a rule at says yore health insurance cumpny has t’give you stuff free. Like free exams an tests an thangs like at. Continue reading →
Hey, we lost ourselfs a good fighter. In a world at keeps on goin’ cause uv “the fight,” George Steinbrenner wuz shorely too big t’fail. Which means it’s like some people say: death ain’t no failure. It’s a new beginnin? The man could shore swing a punch, couldn’e? Some people’re bein nice an say’in how he had a soft side. You thank he left some PR dude enough bucks t’start a rumor like at? Nah. It’s the fightin’ spirit at made the news. Always does. Why? Cause people love a good fight. Fights are whut sells newspapers an gathers fokes t’watch cable news an stuff like at. Continue reading →
If at first you don’t fail, try try agin. At seems t’be takin’ the place uv the old succeed advice. It don’t make no sense, but it keeps on happenin. Like Mel Gibson, the new right-size t’fail BP oil cumpny an on an on. Continue reading →
It’s Monday agin. Oh, Joy. Another day uv old news cause the second-string news team’s been on duty so the A-team can take the weekend off.
F’starters, Jessie Jackson says the Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert is treatin’ LeBron James like a runaway slave. Way t’go, Jessie. Anythang fer a old news dude like you t’stay in the news. Jist do it on a slow news day. Continue reading →
Didjy hear bout the great illegal immigrant job swap deal? Here’s how it works. The Obama gang goes in to a employer, say a farm knowed t’hire fokes frum Ole Mexico, goes over ‘ey’re hirin’ books an’ makes’em fire all illegals. Then the illegals are free to jist go on t’work at the next farm, or chicken killin’ place er whatever. Ain’tat a neat way t’git new future voters? Jist gonna take a new immigration law somewhere down th’road t’make’em legal… an’ DaddyO is shore able t’cook one’a them up an git it passed in his Congress. Continue reading →
Everbody’s all giddy over a basketball player when thairs moldy-smellin’ children’s Tylenol in the world? Whur’s our priorities? LeBron James gits a prime-time special jist t’tell everbody whur he’s gonna play basketball, while J&J, the makers of the world’s most famous baby powder an Tylenol gits barely more than a footnote f’recallin’ at children’s Tylenol? Oh, the injustices of this world! Continue reading →
Posted in Health, Issues, Sports, Waste, satire
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Tagged Barack Obama, Congress, Donald Berwick, health care, Hugo Chavez, LeBron James, Thomas Paine
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Are y’hot or what? Y’must be hot, cause it’s hot in New York City. An whut goes on in NYC goes on everwhair. At’s cause at’s whur all the news is made up. Them people whut makes up fairy tales ‘ey call news is mostly in Nyew York, so whu’tay git, you git. Ebm the real comedians do it, not jist the ones at’s makin’ up the news.
Don’t matter whut the temp is in Peoria or Mayberry. Whutever it is in Yankeeville is whut we all git. ‘Ey got a hunderd degrees? Lettum try Phoenix sometime. How ’bout 120? Yeh, I know. It’s dry heat. An Nyew York is really whur everthang at matters really matters. ‘Cept Washinton a’course. ‘Ey got a few people makin’ up DuhNooz air too. Duh-h. Continue reading →
