The Obama administration has leaked a story t’the New York Times as says ‘ey’re plannin’ to “expand opportunities for Americans to travel to Cuba.” Alriiight!!! At’s gonna be a lotta fun. You thank Vegas used t’be wide opm, at ain’t nuthin! Jist wait’ll you see Havana! …Naw, I ain’t never been air, but everbody’s seen them ole movies about good times in Havana, ain’tay?
An’ at’s whur Ricky wuz frum wadn’t it? You ‘member Ricky, dontchy? Lucy’s husband on at ole Lucy TV show? Man, didn’ey know how t’have a good time! Well, at all came frum Cuba. They wuz booze, women & song galore down air. Now I did’n leave out the wine, ‘ey did. None’a that weak stuff, jist straight t’the hard stuff. Rum! Rum is frum sugar cane, an sugar cane is frum Cuba. ‘Cept in America.
We ain’t allowed t’eat or drank or smoke a thang frum Cuba. See, we couldn’ let’em embarrass us like ‘ey did at the Bay a’Pigs an’ git by with it, so we jist shut’em down. At’s whut we did t’Carribbean countries back years ago.
Well, most a’the time we jist invaded’em. Sent some marines over an took over the place. Jist like Russia use t’do with small countries next t’them. Butat Castro dude embarrassed our purtiest president ever, John F. Kennedy, by repellin’ our troops. So we got all our friends together an’ did a blockade. Shut’em down. Been at way ever since. ‘Cept a’course when Castro did the grandaddy uv all illegal immigrant tricks an sent over Cubans by the huuge bunches. We called’em sumpm differnt then: Refugees.
But now thangs might change. Only thang is, right now opn’in up Cuba is jist a trial balloon. At means thair ain’t nobody at the White House at’ll own up t’sayin it, cause if the thought uv makin’ Havana legal agin raises too much uv a fuss, everbody’ll jist deny they wuz serious about it. It’ll jist be another rumor.
An’ a’course the rest uv the blockade is still gonna be left, ‘ey say. Cain’t go that fur yet, ebm with a fantasy leak. At’d be too much t’swaller at one time. After all, ‘em Cubans is Communists, an Communists is worse’n Taliban.
But if ‘ey do git Havana opm agin, jist thank a’the fun the Hollywood crowd could have. I mean Vegas is ole stuff. Y’cain’t ebm git a decent private jet high enough t’have a decent drank between LA an Vegas. But Havana! Now thair’s possibilities fer real frivolity. An thank a’the new possibilitis uv gittin ‘ey’re pitchers in the rags. An’ wooden the papparazzi jist be thrilled. I tell ye fokes, this is gonne happm. Cause whuts’ good fer Hollywood is good fer the Country. Everbody knows at, don’tay? You do, dontchy? I know I shore do!
Good thang we don’t listen t’them ole philosophers like William James no more. He’s the one at put down good times by sayin, “If merely ‘feeling good’ could decide, drunkenness would be the supremely valid human experience”.
