Ain’t we all so lucky t’live in America? I’m not talkin’ about freedom an at ole stuff. Here’s the real thang, fokes. The gummint has magic money at jist spends an spends without doin’ anything to make it but print it, so why cain’t everybody else. Naw-w I don’t mean printchy own money. I mean git MAGIC money. In fact, the gummint must thank everbody’s money is already magic, cause ey’ve made up a rule at says yore health insurance cumpny has t’give you stuff free. Like free exams an tests an thangs like at.
The New York Times says, “The rules will eliminate co-payments, deductibles and other charges for blood pressure, diabetes and cholesterol tests; many cancer screenings; routine vaccinations; prenatal care; and regular wellness visits for infants and children.
An whur will the insurance cumpnies git the money t’pay the doctors an labs an all’a them fokes? Why magic money of course. Dang! Why didn’ somebody thank abou’tat before. An if ‘ey can do that, why not free everthang else.
Now we’re gittin’ somewhur, fokes. But why jist give out free health tests? As long as we’re usin magic money, jist make everthang free. Then they wouldn’t nobody hafta work or do nuthin ‘ey don’t wonna do. How ’bout free candy fer kids? Free vacations? Ding dong! We got it now! If the gummint can use magic money, we all can.
Now thairs sumpm t’vote fer. Fergit all ‘em old promises at ain’t been kept. The politician at promises t’cut us all in on at free magic money the gummint has a unlimited supply uv is shore gonna git my vote. I bet shehe’ll git yores too.
Now did somebody drum up the kahonas t’ask whur all at magic money’s gonna come frum? Well wake up, dummy. The gummint prints billions uv it. ‘Ey jist have t’spread it around in a different way. Like DaddyO’s new health care czar Donald Berwick says, redistribute the wealth. Instead’a goin’ t’work, we all jist go t’the mail box once a week an’ pick up a voucher f’magic money, take it t’the bank, whut cashees it free, an we all live off the fat uv the gummint’s magic money. Might take a few more printin presses, but whut’s at when y’got all at magic money?
An jist thank. Nobody’d be complainin about taxes any more. Jist pay’em with magic money. They’d be plenty uv it, so we’d all say t’the gummint, “here take all y’wont. Thairs plenty more whur that came frum!
At’s so good I’m kickin’ myself f’not thankin it up before. An soon I’ll learn how t’git both feet off the ground at the same time so I can kick self with both feet. Dang! I need t’watch m’self so I don’t git too smart. It might be ketchin, an purty soon everbody’ll git down with the smarts.
Like at ole boy A.J. Ayer said when he wuz puttin his thankin cap on at philosophy called logical positivism, “…logic and mathematics are true simply because we never allow them to be anything else.” —Language, Truth + Logic (1936)
