Surprises: Like one a’Andy Griffi’s friends used t’say on at show Andy whomped up about our home town, Mayberry. Su’prise, su’prise! An jist looky whut su’prises we got fer y’today.
If y’enter WashingtonPost.com in y’web browser whatta y’git? Woodjy say Washinton Post, the newspaper? Well you’d be wrong. Wrong as Porky Pig havin’ bacon fer breakfast. Whatchy really git is a buncha Google ads. Includin’ one the WP pays fer t’really gitchy to them. Ain’t we jis living in a wunnerful world? I mean when y’can git more ads in y’life at easy, we jis gotta say TECH RULES! An’ we do love t’be ruled by tech, don’t we? Nex t’bein ruled by Obama, at’s as good as it gits!
Like BP tech. I wuz about t’say if ‘ey had any luck at all it’d be not jis bad but drubby – cause fer a while yestiddy it looked like ‘ey’d blow’deir top in the Gulf – but then I find out they got the top back on. An git this: Em boys are gittin around Obama’s drillin ban. Ain’t we all jis su’prised? Su’prised t’death!
Smart dudes built their selfs ‘eir own island off the coast of Alaska an are drillin on it. At means drillin on land, not in the water. Well it’s under 22 feet a’water, bu’tat’s shallow water. Jis details. An’ details makes loopholes. An if they’s anything the fedral gummint likes, it’s loopholes. An with a loophole BP is free t’drill. Hot dog, baby. At oughtta make Sarah Palin proud.
The Obama su’prise: Firin’ a gen’ral at dissed’im. An’ sayin with at stern, satisfied look, “I welcome debate among my team, but I won’t tolerate division.” We all WUZ su’prised abou’tat, huh? I know I shore wuz. Bye bye McChrystal. But can ‘ey take’is retirement away if he keeps on dissin? Oh, man! Y’thank ‘ey thought abou’tat? A runaway, double-dissin’ 4-star genral could be a real embarrasin su’prise!
Su’prise headline: “Petraeus Taking Control of a Tougher Fight” No, all you dum dums outtair. The su’prise aint’ that DaddyO is movin America’s favorite general into Afghanistan. It’s the control thang. Somebody… anybody… is gonna take control in Afghanistan? Duh-h. After nine years uv no control by ANYbody? In at craggy wasteland? Ruled by everbody an nobody?
Can we git a big duh? DUH–H
