Whut’s iss about Sylvester Stallone an Julia Roberts takin’ top box office? Ain’tay gittin’ t’be ole fokes? F’shore! I jist looked it up. She’s past 40 an he’s north a’60! An’ ain’t young fokes the ones at buy the most tickets? Whut’s happnin here? Shorely young’uns ain’t startin’ to pay attention t’their elders. Wouldn’ at be revolutionary!
Oops. Too late. Jist after I Googled Julia, I found out she’s dangerous t’search fer. She an Cameron Diaz are spose t’be the two most dangerous searches in America. Hackers use’em as bait t’lure fokes in an steal all ‘eyr stuff. Whooee! I never been s’glad that I ain’t got much stuff.
Somebody did one a’them polls an’ found at 20% uv Americans thank Barack Obama is a Muslim. Did’n ‘ey see the videos a’his hell-fire an brimstone preacher rantin’ away before the election? Or maybe some fokes’d thank the preacher’s a Muslim extremist, since he wuz rantin’ aginst America. People git strange ideas frum strange places, don’tay?
We hear high priced wines are sellin’ more an prices are goin’ up. Like 18% this year. At means it’s gittin awful ‘spensive t’impress friends an enemies. Oh woe! Whut will them rich fokes do now? Lessee…wadn’tair a dude back air somewhair at made the stuff outta water? An purty good stuff ‘ey said? Y’thank ‘ey oughtta check with him? Jist thank a’how impressive a 2000 year old jug’a wine’d be!
See? At ole philosopher William James wuz right when he said, “If merely ‘feeling good’ could decide, drunkenness would be the supremely valid human experience”. –Varieties of Religious Experience (1902)
