Duh Nyews, or for you Yankees, Duh Nooz… roasted all over agin specially fer YOU. You DO know we look out fer YOU, dontchy? I mean O’Reilly ain’t got nuthin’ on us. ‘Cept maybe a audience.
Didje see the big fight yestiddy? Went right inta the night! Or didje fergit to look at it cause ye was too interested in at Lohan girl losin’ her movie deal? Course the BIG fight was between your congress people an the big bankers. Didje think either one of’m was fightin’ fer you? Or was there somebody in outer space they was fightin’ fer?
Or wait. Could they’ve been fightin’ fer theyselves? Could they jist be tryin’ to lay down some smoke? Would the gummint an’ the big banks really do that? Please, Lord, don’t tell me they’re all workin’ on hedlines an CYA an don’t give a darn ’bout the rest of us? (note: mama don’t let me use the BIG D word, but somebody might oughtta, so could somebody out there hit it jist a tad fer me? Much oblige).
An whose stock went up while they was fussin’ an fightin’? Bankers 100, congress people zero. Yeh, in case you don’t watch the stock market, read it here. Market down, Goldman Sachs up. At means all our 401k’s went down while ‘em people who’re sposed to be fightin’ fer us tried t’blame somebody else fer our home prices and 401k’s droppin’ like a td in a slop jar. Duh-h!
Elsewhere in duh nyews, we jis gotta stop iss global coolin’! Sprang was sposed to start when? Wadn at in March? An ‘ey still got blizzards in New Englend? Hey, Al over thare in Belle Meade! Cain’tchoo do sumpm ’bout this? You’re ’bout to lose yer Nobel if iss keeps up!
An now it jist gits worser. San Francisco is boycottin’ Arizona. Ooh! Em boys, or whatever, out thare in San Fran are Tu-a-uff! At’ll teach ‘em cream puffs in Arizon t’enforce the law. Mama don’ allow no lawness aroun’ here. Only law less ness. An when ‘em Friskies stop tradin’ with ‘em people down air on the border, thangs’ll about dry up in at desert!
Now less git t’ the good stuff: women oughtta be fattenin’ up theyselves? Don’tchy jist love the way science changes its mind? But that’s good news. I always liked a woman with more’n skin on her bones. Gimme some more’a that baby fat anytime. ‘Member when models use ta smile an look purty? Had some meat on ‘eyre bones? An look at them pitchers of Marilyn Monroe that still go around. She won’t no skinny babe. Now it’s glum an skinny. ‘Ey don’t smile, ‘ey don’t eat. Might be a cheap date, but what’re we datin’ here? a bag a’bones?
I for one am gonna throw out a cheer an a shout fer the new science of women with more meat!
Y’got that didn’ ye?
