Are y’hot or what? Y’must be hot, cause it’s hot in New York City. An whut goes on in NYC goes on everwhair. At’s cause at’s whur all the news is made up. Them people whut makes up fairy tales ‘ey call news is mostly in Nyew York, so whu’tay git, you git. Ebm the real comedians do it, not jist the ones at’s makin’ up the news.
Don’t matter whut the temp is in Peoria or Mayberry. Whutever it is in Yankeeville is whut we all git. ‘Ey got a hunderd degrees? Lettum try Phoenix sometime. How ’bout 120? Yeh, I know. It’s dry heat. An Nyew York is really whur everthang at matters really matters. ‘Cept Washinton a’course. ‘Ey got a few people makin’ up DuhNooz air too. Duh-h.
Disney stole “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” Could at be? Really? Well, maybe didn’t steal it, but jist didn’t pay fer it. A lotta times stealin’ ain’t stealin’ if y’had a contract t’pay an jist didn’ pay. Anybody oughta be able t’see that. ‘Cept a jury didn’t. ‘Ey say Disney has t’pay the Brit cumpny at invented the show $269.4 million in damages. Kinda dirties up Snow White don’t it?
DaddyO is havin’ a contest to git suggestions on how t’save money in the fedral gummint. He’s askin’ employees t’submit ideas on whut t’do t’cut expenses. I got one fer’em. Some’a them boys oughtta step up an’ say “FIRE ME,” an the one at’s makin’ the most gits the prize, which is a meetin’ with Obama. Thair they can talk about who else t’fire. Bet everbody’s holdin’ey’re breath on at one. Duh-h
Did Obama step in it? They’s a big deal bein’ made out uv a pitcher a’ him on the beach close t’some oil. Looks like he’s jist lookin’ at it. Like’is thankin’ bout it, maybe bout t’come up with a new speech t’preach at it. Next we find out that the pitcher has been photoshopped. Whut? Y’mean a pitcher ain’t worth a thousand words no more? Pitchers do lie after all?
Well, here’s a idear. Long as they’re photoshoppin ‘ey oughtta cut out the white dress shirt an long black pants, with him down air on the beach an’ all. Naw, silly. I ain’t gonna say make’im stand air in’is underwear. But put’im in some jeans an’ a work shirt f’heavens sake. Ain’tchu people heard yet? His poll ratin’s have dropped like a lead balloon. Only 38% uv people say they like him now. He needs t’look like he’s helpin out with more than thankin’ an speechin. An ‘ey gott’im standin air on the beach in a white shirt? Duh-h
Like at ole philosopher David Hume said way back air fore we ebm knowed about turnin’ our fantasies inta movin pitchers, much less TV shows: “It is never possible to deduce judgements of value from matters of fact” –Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding (1751)
