Dontchy jist feel so super good today! BP has the Gulf gusher stopped up, so nobody’s got t’worry bou’tat ole thang no more, AND ‘em gentlemen an gentle ladies in the Senate finely passed at new financial reform law, so y’don’t ever hafta worry boutchy money agin. DANG, ain’tchy s’proud!
But wait! Thairs more! The problems w’that new iPhone might be over. Apple is holdin’ a news conference t’day t’tell us all about it. Now thair’s the biggie we all been waitin fer. But dontchy jist hope air’s a little wiggle room left? Thair’s still comfort in at main feature uv bein’ able t’ have a great excuse not t’take a call y’don’t wont. “Sorry, it jist dropped out. Got a iPhone, y’know.”
But courage, people. AT&T will probly still give everbody lotsa dropouts. An’ it looks like the big T is gonna be aroun fer a while. At contract t’ provide dropouts fer the iPhone goes on ’til sometime in 2012. Says so in a bunch’a papers some lawyers dug up cause ‘ey’re suin’ Apple. So all you dreamers whut’s been thankin you wuz gon’ git a sleek new I with Verizon can go on ’boutchy bidness with at dull ole Blackberry.
But wait agin. Did somebody say at cap on the Gulf gusher might hafta be taken off? An why’s at? So BP can git the oil flowin’ agin? Bu’tiss time capture it an’ sell it. WELL, at’s purfeckly understandable. ‘Ey went ta all at trubble an expense t’ dig it, ‘ey oughtta be able t’enjoy it. An make some’a that money back at they’re payin out t’the Gulf people at lost everthang. After all, ‘ey only took in 291 billion last year. Shorely y’all don’t thank at’s a lot. Everbody’s faverit neighborhood store, Walmart, took in over 400 billion. Now at’s a right smart fer a little store frum a backward state like Arkansas.
Now, fore we go, we gotta tell ye the Vatican is gittin’ tough with priests at sexually abuse little boys. Ey’ve put it right up air with makin’ priests outta women. Now at shows real guts, dontchy thank? At’ll shore be enough t’make a gay priest shiver ever time he sees a little boy sashayin’ down the aisle.
Like at ole boy Siggy said jist before he invented the slip, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” – Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)
