Tribal warfare looms over push for cig tax (NY Post) …Duhh! White man tryin’ t’put down the Indians again. New York trying to collect cigarette tax from a sovereign nation? Pardon them while they circle the state capitol an fling a few arrows. Jist proves gummint’ll do anythang t’feed its hunger f’other fokes money.

Michael Brown, the former FEMA director, took his Denver radio show to New Orleans for the fifth anniversary of the storm that made him famous. (NYT) Same Brownie at Bush said wuz doin’ a good job cleanin’ up after Katrina? Same one. Still tryin’ t’do a good job at sumpm? Duhh! Like ‘ey say, criminals always return t’the scene uv the crime.

Ken Mehlman, who ran President George W. Bush’s re-election campaign in 2004 and then became the party’s chairman, said in an interview in The Atlantic this week that he is gay and is working to support a campaign for same-sex marriage. (NYT) Look out, Junior! If ey’re takin’ over the Republicans, next thang ye know, ‘ey’ll be takin’ over yore militia supply store!

Paul Krugman, the Nobel-winning NYT columnist at likes t’preach about the economy says, “After its last monetary policy meeting, the Fed released a statement declaring that it ‘anticipates a gradual return to higher levels of resource utilization’ — Fedspeak for falling unemployment. Nothing in the data supports that kind of optimism. Meanwhile, Tim Geithner, the Treasury secretary, says that ‘we’re on the road to recovery.’ No, we aren’t. ”

Duhh! When ebm ‘ey’re buddys at the NYT are callin’ thair hands, y’thank maybe it’s time t’stop the fairy tales? We all know at’s how Obama got thair, but one’a these days y’d thank somebody uppair’d learn at only people believe fairy tales. Economies do thair own thang unless somebody acshully does sumpm. Or stops doin’ sumpm stupid. Duhh.

Like at ole boy Thomas Paine said back air in 1792, when fathers wuz first bein promoted t’forefathers, “Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil” –The Rights of Man (1792)

But what fokes really like is a girl fight! An at Sara Palin knows how t’fight. She’s been havin’ a fight uppair in Alaska with Senator Lisa Murkowski fer a long time now, so she fought’er in yesterday’s primary. Got’er beat by a dude by the name uv Joe Miller. Yay, girl fight.

Then airs little Lindsey Lohan. Pore thang got put in jail an then went t’rehab, remember. Spose to be in each place fer 90 days. Didn’ ebm come close. Jist a few days in jail, now she’s outta rehab after 23 days. Fightin’s good, but bein’ a celeb is better. Kids, the message is you wanna be like Lindsey, right? At’s whut we’re teachin’ ye. Duhh.

Like at ole boy Siggy said when he first come up with the rehab concept, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” – Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)

“The largest egg recall in U.S. history comes at a point of great consolidation in the egg industry, when a shrinking number of companies produce most of the eggs found on grocery shelves and a defect in one operation can jeopardize a significant segment of the marketplace.”

They recalled how many bad eggs? Wuz at 500 million? At’s whu’tay say. OK, so ‘ey take’em back. Then whut do they do with’em? They jist gonna throw a half billion eggs in the trash? Seems t’me the problem has jist begun.

I mean jist one rotten egg can smell up a whole house. Hang on. But wait jist a minute. I got it. Take’em over t’Afghanistan an throw’em at the Taliban. At oughtta stop’em. How y’gonna fight if the guy next t’you has rotten egg all over’im?

Would’at be torture? Somebody ask Dick Cheney.

“A federal judge on Monday blocked the Obama administration from funding human embryonic stem cell research, ruling that the support violates a federal law barring the use of taxpayer money for experiments that destroy human embryos.”

Whut? Obama broke the law? Shorely at couldn’t be. Duhh!

“Obama’s return to Washington from 10 days in Martha’s Vineyard and a quick stop in New Orleans to commemorate the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina will begin with an address to the nation marking the end of combat operations in Iraq. Days later, he will preside over the start of a new round of Middle East peace talks in Washington.”

Like my friend Junior says when thangs ain’t quite workin’ out fer his militia gang, “If y’cain’t do nuthin real, dazzle’em with footwork.”

An like at ole boy Siggy said when he invented the slip, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” – Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)

“The White House is preparing measures that would expand opportunities for Americans to travel to Cuba and send money there, congressional and Obama administration officials say.” Yeh, I know we had the travel part yesterday, but one uv our sources left out the send money part, an at’s important. As much money as we let illegals export to Mexico, we cain’t discriminate aginst Cuba by not sendin tons uv our money t’them too. Besides, it’s all borrowed from China, so whutta we care whut we do with it?

“A federal investigation of a controversial Arizona sheriff known for tough immigration enforcement has intensified in recent days, escalating the conflict between the Obama administration and officials in the border state.” Hey! If our injustice system ain’t gonna let the rest uv the people of Arizona git by with disobeyin DaddyO, why should we let a simple sheriff git by with anythang? Duhh!

An if our crack dudes at the injustice department cain’t git enough done in one place, thair’s plenty a’places t’screw up. Now we read that “A federal jury in Chicago convicted former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich of one count of lying to the FBI but deadlocked on 23 corruption counts Tuesday, a setback for prosecutors who spent years pursuing the voluble and theatrical Democrat.” At don’t matter. All them fedral lawyers git paid jist as much fer failin as anythang else ey do. If air is anythang else.

Now here’s one fer the schoolbooks: “The money for schools to rehire teachers, counselors and support workers is instead being set aside by school districts worried about cuts to come in the current school year.” Duhh. How could we possibly add anythang dumber to that jewel? ‘Cept maybe say a dubble Duhhh!

“Thousands of “drug tourists” sweep into Maastricht in the southeastern part of the Netherlands every day — as many as two million a year, city officials say. Their sole purpose is to visit the city’s 13 “coffee shops,” where they can buy varieties of marijuana with names like Big Bud, Amnesia and Gold Palm without fear of prosecution.” Seems the city fathers don’t like at. Don’t wont no outsiders comin’ in an usin up ey’re dope. At’s un-American. Or maybe double American? Y’see? Everbody everwhair tries t’copy us.

“A Yemeni man implicated in the Sept. 11 attacks was secretly detained in Morocco after Central Intelligence Agency operatives took him there in 2002, officials said Tuesday. The Associated Press reported that the recordings of Mr. bin al-Shibh, two videotapes and one audiotape, were found in 2007 under a desk at the C.I.A He said he was severely beaten by Moroccan interrogators.” Air goes at bad ole CIA agin, violatin the rights uv terrorists. When will ‘ey ever learn at the rights uv one terrorist are more important than the lives uv thousands uv Americans? Duhh.

Like at dude Carl Von Clausewitz said back air in the 1800′s, “War is the continuation of politics by other means” –On War (1830)

Don’tat sound about like Lehman Brothers ‘an at big insurance cumpny AIG back when ‘ey wuz throwin’ around funny money? An’ whut happmd t’them? Did’n ey go broke?

Charlie Rangel ain’t goin’ away! Don’tchy know theys a lotta fokes in Congress at wishes he would? Bu’tat ole dude is stickin’ like glue. An why not? He’s been stickin’ aroun drainin the system better’n most cogressmen – an at’s sayin’ a bunch – an livin high on the hog. He’s had power an strutted aroun’ fer the news media fer a long time. Why should he go away? Ain’t much difference in him and the rest a’that Washinton gang. So why him?

Like Uncle Charlie (differnt Charlie of course) back home. He wuz a bootlegger at controlled all the fedrally legal but county illegal whiskey in Surry County. He wuz a staunch democrat. Voted democrat ever chance he got, an give away some pints here an thair t’git other fokes t’vote his way.

I asked Uncle Charlie one time if he’d vote fer a democrat at he knowed wuz bein’ dishonest. “Whut?” he said. “E’re all dishonest. Jist depends on which ones are workin’ my way.” ‘Course uncle Charlie paid’em off t’keep’em frum raidin’ his whiskey barn whur he stored all at stuff. ‘Ey wuz workin his way an ‘ey wuz democrats. At’s all at mattered t’Uncle Charlie. He wuz a simple man, he’d say. Is at much different than whut goes on in politics today?

I mean some uv’em throw 20 million or so uv thair own money at a Senate primary race, an’ ‘ey’re doin’ it jist so ‘ey can humbly serve the people? Duhh! My mama didn’ raise no dummies at’d blieve a thang like at!

An finely, ain’tair sumpm wrong with the followin’ pitcher? Jet Blue flight attendant quits ‘is job an beomes a national hero fer the way he says he ain’t takin’ it no more an’ gits right upair with Johnny Paycheck an “Take This Job and Shove It.” An whut happms? He gits arrested?!

Now whurs the reasonin’ in at. Ain’tair no justice anywhur any more? ‘Ey say it was reckless endangerment. To who? Hisself? Seems like the crazy lady at hit him with a bag an’ then told him t’F off oughtta be arrested if anybody.

Like at ole boy Siggy said when he invented the slip, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” – Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)

Seemed like bidness? The NYT says about the soirees Hewlitt Packard CEO Mark Hurd had with his so called consultant, “The events were billed as C.E.O. executive summit meetings, exclusive gatherings, often lasting several days, where Hewlett-Packard officials wooed top customers.

“When Mark V. Hurd, H.P.’s chief, appeared at them, he sometimes relied on Jodie Fisher, a 50-year-old former reality television contestant turned H.P. marketing consultant, who would introduce him to customers and keep him company.”

Right. Jist jettin’ around schmoozin’ customers a nice lady has rounded up. An a’course ye need t’take the lady who set it all up fer ye. Ain’t nuthin wrong with at, right? I hate t’say it this way, but Hurd got hurt. Bad. So did the stockholders uv the cumpny he worked for. The stock dropped 10% in one day, he got fired.

Jist another case of the strong urge of sex mixed with what’s spose t’be bidness backfirin. Ain’tat fun? Shore seemed like it at the time I betchy.

General counsel Mark Holston said Hurd “demonstrated a profound lack of judgment.” Duhh!

An’ Tiger Woods jist had the worst score uv his pro golf career? More fallout frum his runnin’ around on his wife? Might ask if at’s really poopin’ whur y’eat. Well, whur a celeb eats is whur he gits surrounded by groupies after the official work day is over. An’ thanks the groupies love him fer hisself. Duhh. Who’s lovin’ Tiger now?

Funny how friends scramble when y’git caught usin’ y’sex tool fer brains.

Like at ole boy Siggy said jist before he invented the slip, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” – Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)

Virginia joined the national debate over immigration Monday when Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli II issued a legal opinion that authorizes law enforcement to check the immigration status of anyone stopped by police officers for any reason. Whut? We thought a Fedral judge in Arizona stopped all at stuff. An now it pops up from under the carpet in Virginia? This thang jist won’t go away. Whut’s with Americans anyhow? Expectin’ immigration laws t’be enforced when y’DaddyO is determined not to? Duhh!

Gulf disaster is biggest accidental spill in history, analysis says
The blown-out well in the Gulf of Mexico gushed 12 times faster than the government and BP estimated in the early weeks of the crisis and has spilled a whopping 4.9 million barrels, or 205.8 million gallons, according to a more detailed analysis announced late Monday. Duhh. An after all at we hafta have scientific analysis t’tell us it’s the biggest ever? Jist ask some people on the Gulf coast.

President Obama began a month-long effort Monday to remind an American electorate fatigued by war that the U.S. military effort in Iraq is about to enter its end game. Er-uhh. About to begin the end? Didn’ DaddyO say he wuz gonna begin that on his first day in the Oval? An now he’s ABOUT to? Duhh!

Humans Not Fail-safe plan to stop disasters. Duhh. An’ I had so hoped humans had the perfect answer to everthang. Dang! Whut’ll we do now? Find a god er sumpm?

Washington philanthropist, education innovator and hi-fidelity stereo pioneer Sidney Harman will buy Newsweek from The Washington Post Co. Harman, 91, says his “primary responsibility” will be building a succession plan for Newsweek to hand it over to his children or an outside owner upon his death. Well, now, ain’tat a noble cause. Take on a failin’ magazine an right away find somebody t’replace ye. Duhh. How y’gonna replace a 91-year-old developer of 1950′s hi-fi technology?

A top U.S. nonprofileration official outlined a plan Monday to penalize North Korea by choking off the international network of companies and banks that largely fund its nuclear weapons program and the lifestyles of its elite. Duhh. How could anybody be so smart as to think of such a thing? An so soon after all ‘ese trubbles with North Korea started?

Video surveillance is growing explosively in northwestern China, where ethnic Han and Uighur groups took part in the ethnic rioting last year. Don’tchy jist pity these pore ethnic groups whut’re bein’ watched all the time? Ye thank some Americans in cities whur video cameras are bein’ used t’watch whether we’re runnin stop lights or speedin’ er sumpm, or in stores whur we shop, could hep ese pore people in China shake loose frum iss horrible watchin’ video eye? Duhh.

Like at wise ole dude Confucius always said, “The people may be made to follow a course of action, but they may not be made to understand it.” —Analects

State-Owned Groups Fuel China’s Real Estate Boom. Duhh. At’s a headline? Ain’t China still a bunch a’communists, an ain’tat whut commies do? I mean control the economy?

National Guard Border Deployment Will Take Weeks. Huh? Didn’ the Obama gang say the guard wuz gonna start guardin’ a/o the first uv August?. Oh. Now they say it’s gonna take time fer serious trainin t’jist stand air with no weapons an watch the illegals go by an not do nuthin about it? Duhh!

67% of Americans Drink; Experts Say Economy Could Be at Fault. Er-uhh. Only 67% admit it? And jist who are them experts? Could’ey be the same economists who’ve been goofin’ up s’much on prognostications about the economy?

College officials suggest that many students simply do not grasp that using words they did not write is a serious academic misdeed. Er-uhh… So now we got a new excuse fer cheatin on college papers? Ignorance? An the perfessors are makin’ the excuse up? Well brang on Harvard. Ebm I could git a MBA at way. Duhh!

Gov. Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota Campaigns in Iowa. Huh? An at’s fer president? An at’s fer the 2012 election? Oh dang, how quick we fergit. At’s jist two years frum now. An at means air ain’t hardly no time left t’fight.

Wikileaks Renegade Site Now Working With the News Media. Oh, so at’s all it takes t’make givin’ away military secrets OK. Jist share’em with the NY Times, etc., so them boys at call they selves journalists git t’do part a’the dirty work. Well, I guess. If the Times says so it must be OK. Specially since ‘ey git t’do the leakin.’ Duhh!

It’s like at ole boy Desiderius Erasmus said way back yonder: “Fortune favours the fool.” —In Praise of Folly (1515)

The Obama administration has adopted a tougher tone with China in recent weeks. Duhh! how many times have we heared at in recent years? Ain’tat kinda like gittin tough with y’banker? Y’talk about it, fluster about it, but since he might stop lendin, you stop before he stops.

The House ethics committee charged Rep. Charles B. Rangel with 13 separate violations of House rules Thursday, saying his various financial dealings broke the “public trust.” Broken? Duhh! Anybody remember when it wuz all in one piece?

New York is “the Big Apple” and Chicago “the Windy City,” but unless the earnest and obvious “Nation’s Capital” is your idea of a cool handle, Washington and its environs have never gotten very far in the civic nickname game. Now jist who made mud outta the name Washinton? Could it be the politicians who sling s’much uv it? Duhh!

Hundreds of opponents of Arizona’s new immigration law swarmed the streets of downtown Phoenix Thursday, confronting police in riot gear as the state’s governor filed an urgent appeal of a judge’s ruling that prevented key portions of the law from taking effect. Ain’tat the way it’s done? Have a demonstration? Carry some signs and git the TV cameras ou’tair? Less all git a cause up. Don’t matter whut it is. The marchin an gittin on TV is whut counts.

Republicans continue Senate filibuster of small-business bill. An right after tryin’ t’kill added unemployment benefits.  Duhh. First it wuz foot in mouth disease, now the Repubs have graduated to shoot in foot disease. Ain’tat whut ye call snatchin defeat out uv the claws uv victry jist in time t’lose the elections?

A record heat wave in Russia is felt in such ways as smoky peat fires around Moscow and dying trout at a fish farm. Whur are you, Al Gore? Ain’tat a sign uv yore Global Warmin’ thang? Are ye too busy with yore new life uv freedom frum Tipper?

An Finely: There may be no tar balls in Boise, but it figures large in the suits against BP as lawyers meet there to decide where the cases should be heard. Mannn. Lawyers salifatin’ over BP? Y’couldn git’tat many buzzards circlin a heard a’dead elephants. Duhh.

Like at ole boy Siggy said jist before he invented the slip, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” – Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)

Lessee now. Fedral law says aliens hafta carry proof of their legal status. But a fedral judge, at the request of the Obama administration, made it illegal fer state police to ask fer it.

Them badge boys at the state level kin ask fer a drivers license, car registration an a proof uv insurance card, but not a immigration card at the law requires.

Not confused enough yet? Try this: the Department of Homeland Security has set up a national operations center to “promptly” apprise local, state, and federal law-enforcement agencies of the legal status of aliens they encounter in the course of their work. But the judge says the locals cain’t do that cause ‘ey might overburden the system whut supplies the information.

She also said it would be unreasonable t’make people wait fer all the time it would take t’check out the immigration card.

Ain’tat kinda like some judge makin’ a rule at a cop at stops somebody fer speedin cain’t run the stopee’s driver’s license and car tag through the system t’see if thairs some monkey bidness goin on? Like stolen cars or tags or warrants out fer the stopee? At shore takes a while t’run.

Point whutever, fer the umpteenth time, the fedral gummint don’t enforce the law, bu’tey don’t wont nobody else to. So ain’t it time we made a law that the fedral gummint hasta enforce its laws?

I know attorney general Eric Holder sez he’s required to, but seems like he jist picks the ones he or DaddyO wonts to. So whut’s wrong with a law at makes‘im enforce’em all? An put enough law on the scene t’do it.

Only answer I can thank uv is Washinton wouldn’t have immigration t’fight over any more. An y’hafta fight if ye’re gonna keep yer seat up thair. Why? Cause ye gotta have enemies t’survive an fightin makes enemies. Enemies mean y’have somebody else t’blame fer yer mistakes. Plus fightin’ makes everbody look at the fight instead uv the real problem.

An’ immigration is about the juiciest fight anybody could ever find. It’s a fight at jist keeps on goin an goin an goin. It’s like the Energizer Bunny. ‘Cept it ain’t warm n’ fuzzy, which is whut we don’t wont when it comes t’fightin. Kin ye imagine gittin’ caught fightin’ with a pink bunny?