F’starters, Jessie Jackson says the Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert is treatin’ LeBron James like a runaway slave. Way t’go, Jessie. Anythang fer a old news dude like you t’stay in the news. Jist do it on a slow news day.

How excitin! A game with no score fer two hours. If Spain and the Netherlands hadn’t broke the World Cup record f’fightin’ an dirty tricks, they wouldn’a been nuthin t’watch. Now don’chy’jist know some moneybags is gonna start a giant new American soccer league?

Now ebm at dude Robert Gibbs, the guy whut gits paid t’say nuthin’ but nice thangs about DaddyO Obama, says the Republicans could win the House in the November elections. See? more old news. ‘Ey git lots uv it o’nem Sundy news programs like Meet the Press, hosted by at second string Brian.

But ain’tat always the way? I mean one gang’a politicians gits in, breaks ever promise ‘ey can remember, an’ another team gits t’move in an break its promises. Jist like we say. More ole news. Course DaddyO put li’l Robbie up to it, don’tchy know. At’s t’make the Republicans git too cocky an figger thay got it all won so thay le’tayr guard down. We all know at sneaky trick, don’t we?

Trubble is, jist how many actors can Repubs come up with? T’win, y’gotta be a better actor that yer opponent. At’s all at counts. Issues, shmissues, it’s the best actor whut always wins. All the talkin’ heads jist play like the issues ‘ey make up are important, couse ‘ey gotta have sumpm t’blab about, but ‘ey’re jist blabbin inta the wind. THE BEST ACTOR WINS, fokes. May not be a good actor. Jist has t’be less bad at foolin people than whutever good ole boy (an at includes girls, not t’seem sexist here) heshe’s runnin aginst.

An speakin’a boys an girls. Dontchy jist git jealous sometimes, men? I mean girls always git the best stuff in life. Like can y’blieve this’un? Ye know this here Lilith Fair thay have fer women? Well, instead a’the same ole porty potties at us men’re used to, some outfit at makes them former unmentionables, women’s pads, tampons ‘an panty liners, is furnishing DE-lux accomodations t’take the place a’porty potties.

You got it. Courtesy uv Stayfree, Carfree an O.B. (all us men know whu’tay are don’t we?), the ladies have luxury potties complete with facilities t’take ‘ey’re pitchurs with ‘ey’re favrite star in the potty room lounge. Well at IS with a digital image at fools people inta thinkin’ at they wuz in the potty with ‘ey’re favrite star. But still. Do them stars like Sarah McLachlan, Martina McBride, and Mary J. Blige know abou’tat?

Like at ole boy Siggy said when he invented the slip, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” – Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)

Well! Off this light stuff an on t’some fightin. After all at’s whut makes th’world go round. ‘Member at ole boy Hugo Chavez? He’s a president, y’know, an presidents is awful powrful. He took over all the oil cumpnies in Venezuela an put his gummint cronies t’runnin’em a long time ago.

Turns out his oil cumpny ain’t doin’ so good distributin chickens an powdered milk, which of course made perfect sense fer a gummint run oil cumpny t’do. After all the gummint can do anythang better, ‘member. Problem is ‘ey been lettin’ all at stuff lay aroun s’long the chickens been rottin’ an smellin an the babies ain’t gittin no milk.

People might be able t’put up with at, but now Hugo Baby has jist gone TOO far. He’s threaten’in t’take over whut? BEER! Now he’s done it! The people are risin’ up. The workers are blockin the gates. Oil an chickens an powdered milk might be one thang, but don’t mess with m’beer, boy. Y’got a fight on y’hands now! The worker people are gonna block at deal  ‘ey say. An ‘ey are! Hooray fer bustin’ up the beer takeover! At’s a fight worth fightin’ ANY day!

But deep down, don’t we know air’s sumpm wrong thair somewhere? Jis thank about it. Presidents is always fightin’ fer workers, an here’s workers fightin’ aginst a president? Don’tay know whuts good fer’em? Why, the worker people in America would never git mad at our president. Everbody knows how he fights fer us ever day. Like standin out thair on at dirty beach in ‘is shiny shoes an white shirt riskin gittin ‘is Sunday go t’meetin clothes dirty. An all cause he’s fightin’ fer us? How much fightier could he git? At’s whut makes it s’hard t’understand why anybody could git upset that a president is takin’ over sumpm.

Why, our DaddyO fights fer us ever day in other ways too. Like he went ahead an appointed a Harvard dude name uv Donald Berwick t’run our health care an did it while congress wudn’ lookin. They wuz off fer the July 4th holidays an he knowed they wudn’ likin his choice, so always fightin fer us, he went ahead an’ sneaked iss dude inta the job. An iss new Czar blieves in redistributin the wealth by the way he runs health care. At means all you pore people are gonna git all the money of all the rich people. An the gummint ain’t gon take a dime in commission f’arrangin all at fer you.

I thank he also has a bridge he’d like t’sell us fer a right fair price. Ain’tat nice a’him?

Like at ole boy Thomas Paine said back air in 1792, when fathers wuz first bein promoted t’forefathers. “Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil” –The Rights of Man (1792)

At’s it! Why am I so brilliant? Why don’t we jis go ahead an call iss game and declare BP the winner, an all go on about our bidness? We could git one’a them World Cup refs t’make it official. Ey’re so good nobody could ever question ‘ey’re call, an we could all git t’see sumpm’ important like a celeb gittin’ out uv a car or sumpm. I miss at with all iss ugly oil takin’ up my screen time, don’tchu? Yay! Bring back Britny. I don’ know bou’tchu, but I miss seein’ at.

Turnin’ to politics now… don’tchy jis love the way i move frum one thang t’another? Turnin’ t’politics, the House has approved a low at says everbody’s gotta be truthful about who’s financin’ election campaigns. Hot Dawg. Now everbody in politics has got t’be honest. Ey’ve passed a law at says so. Now, we jis gotta git the Senate t’make it official an git DaddyO t’sign it. At’s a breeze! Everbody’s honest an don’t nobody lie in Washinton, so ‘ey’ll go right along with the program. Ain’tchy jis so proud uv’em?

An’ now we got ourselfs a mystry. At new iPhone is droppin’ calls when y’hold it a certain way. Ain’tchy glad we brung at news flash t’yore attention? I mean you thought the new iPhone wuz perfec didn’tchy? Now everbody at so enjoys dropped calls on ‘ey’re old iPhones can go right on with confidence at’ey’ll still have a perfect excuse f’not returnin’ the wife’s call at came at a inopportune time. “Remember, dear… I have an iPhone, y’know. An it drops calls ebm before I gittem…” See? Y’can relax now, men. At new iPhone’s perfec, jis like yore old one.

An speakin’a smart phones, whut ever happmd t’DaddyO’s Blackberry? He wuz fightin’ so hard t’keep it, but have you seen him use it lately? I know I ain’t had the pleasure. I’ll jis hafta git my cracked staff on at, an’ git back to ye.

Til then, remember whut Siggy said when he was developin the slip we all so enjoy: “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” –Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)

They’s always mistakes, says baseball boss Bud Selig. But in baseball, we don’t correct our mistakes. We let’em stand, an at’s important t’the histry of the game. Down through the ages, everboy’s got t’know at we’re tough. We admit our mistakes an go on. Let the chips fall whur they may an’ all at stuff.

An at’s the way it should be. Baseball is histry. An histry is full a’uncorrected mistakes. It’s not ebm manly to admit’em, much less corrrect’em. An if you correct’em, you jist admitted’em. Y’see? Right thair, MLB makes itself better’n most politicians. An ain’tat sumpm t’brag about? Better than most politicians?

So whut if at boy out thair on the mound worked his tale off an’ didn’ make a mistake. Cain’t give him no credit f’that. He don’t git in the histry book f’bein perfect. Jist f’bein screwed. We’d rather let it be known at baseball don’t correct no mistakes. At would be unmanly.

I mean the game’s so borin we hafta put on side shows t’git peopl’s attention. Like scratchin, chewin an spittin’. Look. Any game whur one side don’t ebm score makes it perfect has got t’give people sumpm ta git their attention off the game. Fer us, at’s histry undiluted by such hypocrazy as correctin’ mistakes. An scratchin an chewin an spittin.

Instant replay? No way. At’s f’them wimps in football. Y’might as well take away scratchin an chewin an spittin. The game jist wouldn’ be the same. Next thang y’know, we’d have silly girls out thair dancin around an yellin an wavin pom poms. Now how manly is at?

Exactly what is this common thread? Unfortunately, there are people in America who just can’t tolerate anyone who is happy, faith based, and successful; those who love others, defend the principles that made this country great, work hard, believe that people should reap the benefits of their own labors and are opposed to getting something for nothing. No matter how positive the effort or message, the naysayers just go crazy and feel it is their sworn duty to vilify these people.

Anyone who is not speaking the party line, is not politically correct, and has the unmitigated gall to actually disagree with the current administration must be a far right religious nut… and therefore called every name except human.

Psychologists must be having a field day figuring all of this out.  Actually, it doesn’t seem quite that difficult. I am just afraid that there is a minority of self-loathing and hateful people who feel they can justify their positions only by minimizing those who disagree with them. They actually believe that anyone who doesn’t think the way they do must be some kind of “phobe.”  They just can’t accept the fact that those who think differently than they do… are only doing that… having a different opinion. They don’t hate you, or want to discredit you, they just have a different opinion.  And the last time I checked, the Constitution still gave everyone the right to speak up and speak out.

The Founding Fathers had it right.  This is a Republic and is to be governed by the people with as small a government as possible to establish domestic tranquility.

Now, you may be saying that it’s a real stretch to put rabid football fans in the same category as far left loons.  I am not trying to do that.  I just see too many “conclusions jumped to” and too many half truths expressed in both groups.

Will Tim Tebow make it as a professional football player? I have no earthly idea.  However, I hope so and will certainly give him the benefit of encouragement… just as I encourage everyone else who wishes to express an opinion on the political direction of this country to do so… on both sides. Just be civil, stop with the vitriolic, self-defeating rhetoric and stick to the facts.

Once in a while, we get a break from the Washington Madness, and get caught up in something like March Madness. Last night was such a night. And two teams played magnificently right down to the last second.

INDIANAPOLIS — The ball is in the air. And because the ball is in the air, anything is possible. Miracle? Heartbreak? Pandemonium? Silence? Yes. Anything. That’s the beauty of a magical game like this, and also the pain. The basketball is in the air. If it misses, Duke wins one of the greatest championship games ever. And if it goes in and it looks like it is going in, Butler wins the greatest game that has ever been played. (1)

But Washington Madness is too fat to ignore for long. As in “A year-long effort by the Securities and Exchange Commission to overhaul its enforcement of laws against corporate crime has run into courtroom setbacks and internal skepticism, underlining how difficult it is for the agency to remake itself as a get-tough cop.”(WP)

And then, from the NYT, “The panel established by Congress to investigate the causes of the financial crisis has been hobbled by delays and internal disagreements and a lack of focus, according to interviews with a majority of its members and government officials briefed on its work.” (2)

Duh-h. And DaddyO wants the gummit to run MORE? He and the rest of the gang are going to outsmart Wall Street’s brightest by doing financial reform? Starting with the Senate Agriculture Committee outsmarting the Street gang who do derivatives? But first, Daddy, take 17-minutes and explain it all to us, like you explained health care in Charlotte the other day.

Now to a different madness: Starring a smaller ball and a Tiger.

A new game: Tiger Woods PGA Tour Online is being released Tuesday by Electronic Arts, in time for Woods’s return to the Masters.

“The first time I met Tiger Woods, in 2005, I was shocked to find myself talking to a real person.

Standing in a deserted Sheep Meadow in Central Park, he waved off his handful of P.R. people, and we spent about 15 minutes just talking about video games. Personable, gregarious and altogether down to earth, he lighted up as he told me how much he enjoyed the Socom special forces games because his father had been a soldier.” (3)

Can somebody assure us that we’ll get around to seeing the Masters as an actual golf game sometime this week? Duh-h

And the child-molesting priests just keep on being hidden deeper in Pop’s system. Again, strike the un from unbelievable. “A Catholic priest who has been criminally charged with sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl in Minnesota six years ago is still working in his home diocese in India despite warnings to the Vatican from an American bishop that the priest continued to pose a risk to children, according to church documents made public on Monday.” (4)

But don’t get excited, Pop. These Indian kids aren’t smart enough to know whether the priest is molesting or just administering communion wine.

Look out Toyota. Daddy-O is about to smite you! It says here in the WP that federal regulators are seeking to fine Toyota $16.4 million for waiting four months or more before notifying safety officials about vehicles with a “sticky pedal” defect. Wow! A 16.4 mil chunk out of your billions. That’ll teach you to go around killing people.

And here’s DaddyO gettin’ tough again… A year after his groundbreaking pledge to move toward a “world without nuclear weapons,” President Obama on Tuesday will unveil a policy that constrains the weapons’ role but appears more cautious than what many supporters had hoped, with the president opting for a middle course in many key areas. (WP) But SURELY he’ll still be just as tough on Iran. We CAN count on that, can’t we?

Then we’re told President Obama will sit down Tuesday with about 20 black religious leaders, including representatives of the major African American denominations, in the second White House meeting in three months to discuss the needs of the black community. (WP)

Religious leaders? After all this flak on Bush and Faith-Based initiatives? Oh, you say Democrats and Black Churches just go together? And we can cmpaign there all we want to, but Republicans can’t campaign in White Churches? Duh-h. Understood. Perfectly. It’s always been that way. And we certainly aren’t going to CHANGE anything, are we?

And how do we know that? The same way we know this: The Washington Nationals will win 74 games this year. The Democrats will lose five Senate seats in November. The high today will be 86 degrees, but it will feel like 84. (By David A. Fahrenthold, The Washington Post) David! You sure your name isn’t really Fahrenheit?

And dat’s all, folks. All DuhNooz that’s not fit to print.

(1) via Plucky Duke earns greatness by outlasting Butler in magical bout – Joe Posnanski – SI.com.

(2) via A Congressional Panel, Hobbled in Its Financial Inquiry – NYTimes.com.

(3) via Video Game Review – Tiger Woods PGA Tour Online – Tiger Woods, at the Virtual Tee First – NYTimes.com.

(4) via Priest Charged in U.S. Is Still Serving in India – NYTimes.com.

Boys will be boys. The Republican National Committee gets together a gang of young, rich donors in a Beverly Hills Hotel to “cultivate” them (translated extract more money from them), then takes a dozen or so of them to a sexual bondage club. Now the organizer has been fired. For what? We’re not sure whether it was participating in the club sleaze event or paying for it out of party funds. Whatever. Does make it kind of hard to criticize Dems for their moral transgressions, doesn’t it? Just tiptoe lightly and blame somebody else, people!

“These are the known unknowns, but there are unknown unknowns out there which could make us radically revise our view of how the universe works.” Quote from a scientist viewing the results of an experiment that was supposed to replicate the “big bang” of the “big bang” theory. Huh? Reminds me of another quote. This from a theologian: “I don’t have enough faith to be an atheist.”

Now to March Madness vs Washington Madness.

Did you hear about the poll on how the economy has affected betting on March Madness? 40% said the economy wouldn’t have any effect. 40% said they’d think about it for a second before they bet as usual. 20% said they would cut back a little. One guy, Herbert, said it would be totally irresponsible to risk $5 on a silly ball game in these economic times.

What’s for sure? Far more Americans are passionate about March Madness than Washington Madness!

It seems that it is not only sports writers who are obsessed with this revelation, but it appears that everyone with access to a computer or microphone is trying to find space to voice an opinion. Even the national newscasts had to made mention of this momentous event.

You would think that we had just discovered a cure for cancer, with all the hubbub that rippled through the world of so-called journalism. Never had so many spent so much time analyzing something of so little importance… the man is going back to work.

I have a tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt. Personally, I thought his public confession was very sincere and included two or three parts of a 12- step program. I also think that journalists and broadcasters who really know none of the true facts about how Tiger and Elin are working things out should keep their overblown criticism and judgment to themselves and deal only with verifiable facts.

Those who rush to judgment about his returning to golf too soon after the devastating revelations of the past four months should take a good hard look in the mirror. What is it about their perfect lives that gives them the right to dictate time, conditions and appropriate dues-paying to someone who has just gone through the most traumatic time of his life.

It is quite probable that returning to golf is part of his therapy and rehab. The worst thing that Tiger could do would be to sit around the house and get more and more despondent. As long as he is sincerely facing his demons and truly trying to turn his life around, then we do not need to condemn, we need to support.

Well…since it is also my home, I will acknowledge my prejudice right up front by saying that it is a wonderfully private and all accepting community.  Windermere is an isthmus surrounded by seven lakes known as the Windermere Chain.  It is located about 12 miles southwest of downtown Orlando and at one time was a place for summer lake homes for those living in the surrounding area.  No one paid particular notice to the area until two things happened:  Walt Disney World and Arnold Palmer.

When Disney began to move California executives into the area they all seemed to immediately discover the quiet and secluded neighborhoods of Windermere.  Not long after that, Arnold and his partners thought the area would be just right for an upscale golf course, and Bay Hill was built nearby; followed a few years later by the Isleworth community and golf course. That attracted some of the greatest golfers in the world.  Why?  Several things: it was gated, patrolled by security, close to a world class airport and located in the state of Florida, which has no state income tax.  Put all of this together with year around golfing weather and you have a natural athlete magnet.

In addition to golfers many other athletes, entertainers, business executives and just plain folks have decided that this is a pretty nice place to live.  All of this to say that Windermere is a melting pot of old-line Floridians, newcomers, wealthy and the not so wealthy, and some just getting by.  What makes the place so unique is that nobody cares how much you make or what you do… a neighbor is family and family overrules everything else.  It is a true community, which is why when the media descended on the area after the Thanksgiving mishap of Tiger Woods, no one was enthralled.  We couldn’t wait to see the storm blow over and get these “media types” on their way to smell out another carcass.

Tiger lives here.  This is his home. and those who live in the area respect his privacy and hope that his life and the lives of his wife and children have not been permanently scarred.  This community wants to be a healing agent.  We don’t throw stones, we offer security and peace.

Maybe that’s why, once you move here, you don’t want to leave.

Now (pardon the pun), the fact that not one of these groups had even seen the ad, or read the script, was totally irrelevant.  If it came from Focus on the Family and promoted family values, it must be bad, and certainly nothing that NOW would agree with.  So pathetic!

Here is a group that purports to be an advocate for women, and continues to scream for equal rights and the freedom to be heard, screaming louder than ever that anyone who disagrees with them does not have the right to be heard.  Rather hypocritical, don’t you think?  It’s OK for me to voice my opinion, but don’t you dare express yours.

It seems in recent years, instead of truly being an advocate for ending discrimination against women, NOW has become solely a voice for pro-abortion. And VIOLENT opposition to ANY voice that dares speak to the sanctity of life. Anyone who may be considered pro-life, it seems, is now the arch-enemy of NOW.

Time passes…outrage is expressed… and then… the commercial actually airs.  What was all of the screaming about?  Don’t know.  The word abortion was never used… no anger was ever vented toward anyone who supports pro-choice… and all that truly came across was the expressed love between a mother and her son.

Now (once again, pardon the pun), the response of NOW President, Terry O’Neill was truly amazing.  She only saw it as advocating violence against women!  Can you believe it?  Was she viewing the same ad that the rest of us were watching.  Did she miss the humor… the love… the affirmation of family?

Anytime you let ideology overcome common sense, it is safe to say that you have totally lost touch with reality.  Wake up, Terry! The real world is passing you by.