Now why would the big salaries for women come out so well in D.C.? ONE GUESS. U.S. Government jobs are the highest paid, most secure jobs in America. Like we didn’t know that already.

In other words, our “servants,” as so many like to call themselves, are more highly paid, more secure in their jobs and get far better benefits than their employers – meaning the rest of us.

And while many Americans have been displaced, had pay cuts and cuts in benefits, our “servants” in Washington have grown in numbers, pay and perks. That’s not just in this economy called a recession, it’s been happening for years, since so many American jobs have been going overseas.

While American factories have closed in droves, their jobs going to other countries who gobble them up while they smile and shaft us, Washington has celebrated MORE jobs, HIGHER pay, BETTER benefits.

No wonder Americans are outraged. Washington promises us everything but gives us nothing but debt and unemployment while keeping all the best life has to offer for themselves.

So why do we pump this dry hole in one insignificant blog? Because there’s one thing that seems never to change. Americans have been fed up before. And what do they do? Vote for the best actor. Most never look at issues. Or if they try to, it’s information hard to come by. What pops up most in the popular news is Lady Gaga-style nonsense.

And once respected media, notably today Forbes, comes up with drivel like the most powerful women in the world. FORBES, namesake of the ultra-conservative Steve Forbes, has declared Gaga the 7th most powerful woman in the world. Why? She has a daily audience of 25 million on Facebook and Twitter.

May God save America from such power! And such “educational” media as once-respected Forbes.

Virginia joined the national debate over immigration Monday when Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli II issued a legal opinion that authorizes law enforcement to check the immigration status of anyone stopped by police officers for any reason. Whut? We thought a Fedral judge in Arizona stopped all at stuff. An now it pops up from under the carpet in Virginia? This thang jist won’t go away. Whut’s with Americans anyhow? Expectin’ immigration laws t’be enforced when y’DaddyO is determined not to? Duhh!

Gulf disaster is biggest accidental spill in history, analysis says
The blown-out well in the Gulf of Mexico gushed 12 times faster than the government and BP estimated in the early weeks of the crisis and has spilled a whopping 4.9 million barrels, or 205.8 million gallons, according to a more detailed analysis announced late Monday. Duhh. An after all at we hafta have scientific analysis t’tell us it’s the biggest ever? Jist ask some people on the Gulf coast.

President Obama began a month-long effort Monday to remind an American electorate fatigued by war that the U.S. military effort in Iraq is about to enter its end game. Er-uhh. About to begin the end? Didn’ DaddyO say he wuz gonna begin that on his first day in the Oval? An now he’s ABOUT to? Duhh!

Humans Not Fail-safe plan to stop disasters. Duhh. An’ I had so hoped humans had the perfect answer to everthang. Dang! Whut’ll we do now? Find a god er sumpm?

Washington philanthropist, education innovator and hi-fidelity stereo pioneer Sidney Harman will buy Newsweek from The Washington Post Co. Harman, 91, says his “primary responsibility” will be building a succession plan for Newsweek to hand it over to his children or an outside owner upon his death. Well, now, ain’tat a noble cause. Take on a failin’ magazine an right away find somebody t’replace ye. Duhh. How y’gonna replace a 91-year-old developer of 1950′s hi-fi technology?

A top U.S. nonprofileration official outlined a plan Monday to penalize North Korea by choking off the international network of companies and banks that largely fund its nuclear weapons program and the lifestyles of its elite. Duhh. How could anybody be so smart as to think of such a thing? An so soon after all ‘ese trubbles with North Korea started?

Video surveillance is growing explosively in northwestern China, where ethnic Han and Uighur groups took part in the ethnic rioting last year. Don’tchy jist pity these pore ethnic groups whut’re bein’ watched all the time? Ye thank some Americans in cities whur video cameras are bein’ used t’watch whether we’re runnin stop lights or speedin’ er sumpm, or in stores whur we shop, could hep ese pore people in China shake loose frum iss horrible watchin’ video eye? Duhh.

Like at wise ole dude Confucius always said, “The people may be made to follow a course of action, but they may not be made to understand it.” —Analects

State-Owned Groups Fuel China’s Real Estate Boom. Duhh. At’s a headline? Ain’t China still a bunch a’communists, an ain’tat whut commies do? I mean control the economy?

National Guard Border Deployment Will Take Weeks. Huh? Didn’ the Obama gang say the guard wuz gonna start guardin’ a/o the first uv August?. Oh. Now they say it’s gonna take time fer serious trainin t’jist stand air with no weapons an watch the illegals go by an not do nuthin about it? Duhh!

67% of Americans Drink; Experts Say Economy Could Be at Fault. Er-uhh. Only 67% admit it? And jist who are them experts? Could’ey be the same economists who’ve been goofin’ up s’much on prognostications about the economy?

College officials suggest that many students simply do not grasp that using words they did not write is a serious academic misdeed. Er-uhh… So now we got a new excuse fer cheatin on college papers? Ignorance? An the perfessors are makin’ the excuse up? Well brang on Harvard. Ebm I could git a MBA at way. Duhh!

Gov. Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota Campaigns in Iowa. Huh? An at’s fer president? An at’s fer the 2012 election? Oh dang, how quick we fergit. At’s jist two years frum now. An at means air ain’t hardly no time left t’fight.

Wikileaks Renegade Site Now Working With the News Media. Oh, so at’s all it takes t’make givin’ away military secrets OK. Jist share’em with the NY Times, etc., so them boys at call they selves journalists git t’do part a’the dirty work. Well, I guess. If the Times says so it must be OK. Specially since ‘ey git t’do the leakin.’ Duhh!

It’s like at ole boy Desiderius Erasmus said way back yonder: “Fortune favours the fool.” —In Praise of Folly (1515)

Mel Gibson? Wooden ye say he’s a purty smart guy t’be able t’do all ‘em movies an stuff? Well, we cain’t have no success like at. Lessee now… whut could we do t’turn all at success inta failure? I know. I got it. Less make some vile, racist remarks. Oops at didn git the job done, so less hit a woman in the mouth an break’er teeth. An t’be sure it works, less wait ’til she’s got a baby in’er arms. Now, shorely at’ll do it.

But wait. Gittin’ some real failure goin is hard t’do when you’re use t’succeedin’ all the time. An’ now other Hollywooders are interferin’ with Mel’s attempts at failure. Maybe if ey’d jis leave him alone, he could do a good job uv it.

But no. Here comes Whoopie, whoopin’ up the fact that he’s been in her house, an she knows he ain’t no racist. Well at oughtta be enough t’foul up Mel’s attempt t’fail. Huh? In her house? He’s gonna act up an’ call her names? I guess not. Somebody oughtta tell Mel he could really do it at way though. Then he’d git on the View, an he could do all sorts a’sure t’fail remarks air, cause ever word a’that program gits repeated by other TV shows.

Then we got Obama. He’s helpin tremendously with BPs efforts t’make failure work on the Gulf coast. BP puts a bunch’a people down air outta work by messin’ up everthang with more oil goo than God’s got little green apples, bu’tat ain’t enough fer DaddyO. He tries t’put another hunderd thousand er so in the jobless lines by shuttin down drillin. But curses, he gits foiled by some judge at says he cain’t do that. So whut does he do next?

Well, not to be foiled at his failed promotion of failure, he gits his lawyer gang t’re-define his order t’shut down drillin. See, y’make it differnt, an’ the whole thang has t’start over in the courts. So it all repeats. If at first y’don’t make thangs fail… well we said at line before.

Then air’s students an’ cheatin. On whut? Everthang, but most important papers ‘ey gotta write an tests ‘ey gotta pass. Write sumpm by theyselves usin’ some research? Only dummies do that. Take a test without figgerin out how t’cheat on it? At’s fer real num-nums.

Besides, we can gi’tiss failure job done an’ make it seem like success. After all, however y’do it a good paper or a passin’ grade looks like success. An whut looks like success is the purfeck cover-up for failure later in life. Y’fail, an’ cain’t nobody figger out why, whut with all ‘em good grades.

We got it now. failin’ is the new success. We jist needed some more examples to git it through our hard heads. Duh–h!

Don’t matter whut the temp is in Peoria or Mayberry. Whutever it is in Yankeeville is whut we all git. ‘Ey got a hunderd degrees? Lettum try Phoenix sometime. How ’bout 120? Yeh, I know. It’s dry heat. An Nyew York is really whur everthang at matters really matters. ‘Cept Washinton a’course. ‘Ey got a few people makin’ up DuhNooz air too. Duh-h.

Disney stole “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” Could at be? Really? Well, maybe didn’t steal it, but jist didn’t pay fer it. A lotta times stealin’ ain’t stealin’ if y’had a contract t’pay an jist didn’ pay. Anybody oughta be able t’see that. ‘Cept a jury didn’t. ‘Ey say Disney has t’pay the Brit cumpny at invented the show $269.4 million in damages. Kinda dirties up Snow White don’t it?

DaddyO is havin’ a contest to git suggestions on how t’save money in the fedral gummint. He’s askin’ employees t’submit ideas on whut t’do t’cut expenses. I got one fer’em. Some’a them boys oughtta step up an’ say “FIRE ME,” an the one at’s makin’ the most gits the prize, which is a meetin’ with Obama. Thair they can talk about who else t’fire. Bet everbody’s holdin’ey’re breath on at one. Duh-h

Did Obama step in it? They’s a big deal bein’ made out uv a pitcher a’ him on the beach close t’some oil. Looks like he’s jist lookin’ at it. Like’is thankin’ bout it, maybe bout t’come up with a new speech t’preach at it. Next we find out that the pitcher has been photoshopped. Whut? Y’mean a pitcher ain’t worth a thousand words no more? Pitchers do lie after all?

Well, here’s a idear. Long as they’re photoshoppin ‘ey oughtta cut out the white dress shirt an long black pants, with him down air on the beach an’ all. Naw, silly. I ain’t gonna say make’im stand air in’is underwear. But put’im in some jeans an’ a work shirt f’heavens sake. Ain’tchu people heard yet? His poll ratin’s have dropped like a lead balloon. Only 38% uv people say they like him now. He needs t’look like he’s helpin out with more than thankin’ an speechin. An ‘ey gott’im standin air on the beach in a white shirt? Duh-h

Like at ole philosopher David Hume said way back air fore we ebm knowed about turnin’ our fantasies inta movin pitchers, much less TV shows: “It is never possible to deduce judgements of value from matters of fact” –Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding (1751)

Startin w’that new iPhone. If yo’re like a lotta people, ye might be feelin’ left out that yore new iGadget won’t do at drop-out trick y’been hearin’ about. Like how y’gonna splain t’the wife why ydidn’ git’er call, if ye cain’t show her how it don’t work? An besides, y’feel left out if yores don’t do all the tricks everbody elses does.

Well! My friend Junior has told me the answer t’the whole mystry. Here’s how t’git yore new jewel t’duplicate the problem uv cuttin’ out like ‘em other fokes have been talkin’ about. He larned it at a militia meetin. An we all know y’can depend on yore local militia t’do the right thang.

The solution? Sweaty palms. You got it. Sweaty palms. Now shorely you had them a time er two when tryin’ t’splain sumpm tricky t’ye wife. Jis duplicate that an’ y’got the iPhone’s handiest problem duplicated.

Now ye’ jist gotta figger out how t’git the neighbor’s iPhone t’do the same thang. Talkin’ bout them Russian spies at live ri’tare under y’nose. Don’t look s’prised now. Ever body’s got one’a them, don’tchy know. Well Junior tells me it’s on page 22 uv his militia book. But like everthang in at book, it’s a secret so he ain’t tellin. In fact, ever one’a them books is wrote in a differnt secret code, so y’hafta have a special decoder ring made in China jis f’yores. At means y’need t’join up, if y’wonnna know all the latest secret stuff.

An’ of course, at brangs on the solution t’the next secret rumor. Y’probly heard the Chinese wuz gonna open a new news channel. Well didjy hear that the main studio is gonna be in New York City, ri’tair in Times Square? Times Square? Dang, y’might say. Well go ahead an say it. Cause ey’re gonna be ri’tair on the busiest square in America. Ever American can go thair an see how them Chinamen can deliver th’ news jist as fair an balanced as ‘ey do at Fox.

Course ‘ey probly ain’t gon be nuthin like Fox. More like CNN I’d guess frum ey’re name. Ey’re callin it CNC World. Now ain’t CNC a lot more like CNN than FOX? An’ it sounds like ey’re gonna be a lot more worldly with “World” tacked on t’their name. Kinda like Ted Turner use t’have a hissy when any’a his CNN fokes talked like ‘ey wuz speakin t’America. “We’re International! an’ say at like y’mean it,” he’d say.

An a’course we all know at FOX is very American. ‘Ey ebm show American flags an stuff.

Well now that y’got the most important news comin’ up to the 4th a July holidays, I wish y’a goodun. Me, I’m gonna take a few days off an go back home t’Mayberry. Bet’tair’ll be a good celebration air. An’ we won’t see no Russian Spies. ‘Less ‘ey wont a good dose a’whut America’s really like.

Here’s whut Reuters had t’say: “Web search king Google Inc on Thursday showed off a risky attempt to marry the Web to television and reach the $70 billion TV advertising market, chasing a dream that has eluded even archrival Apple Inc.

“Developers at a conference applauded “Google TV,” and a slew of tech industry titans, including microchip maker Intel Corp and TV maker Sony Corp, sent their chief executives to announce that they had joined the project and that TV sets would be ready in time for Christmas buying.”

Hang on air. Not on y’laptop? We gotta buy another TV? Hold on while I search for an advantage f’me.

They go on: “The key to Google TV is an on-screen search box, just like on Google’s Web site. The TV search box accesses Google’s search engine to look through live programs, DVR recordings and the Web, delivering a relatively compact list of results that can be accessed with a push of the button.”

Duh-h-h! They’re celebratin’ puttin’ a new Google search box in my life? An it’s gonna be on a new TV I gotta buy so I can do more Google searches? An it’s all so Google can stick more ads in my face?

Joy, joy, joy!!! I cain’t wait. Won’t it jist be thrillin’ t’jump outta bed ever mornin’, run t’my TV an turn on my Google search tools so I can see all them ads I missed while I wuz asleep?

Thank I’ll be able t’git back t’that food chopper infommercial I went t’sleep on last night? Lemme at one’a them new Google thangs! ‘Ey say I can git one by Christmas? But I wont one now!

Like at ole boy Siggy said when he invented the slip, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” Sigmund FREUD – Psychoanalysis (1910)

U.S. Tries to Win Afghan Leader With Charm
Well ain’t that cute. The boy went off an played footsie w’China an acted like he didn’t like us any more. He’s got Obama’s number f’shore. Cain’t have no furriners actin’ like ‘ey don’t like us, now can we? At’d be too much like George W. Duh-h!

An’ how ’bout this’un: A Trillion for Europe, With Doubts Attached
Duh-h! Ain’tat kinda like kitin’ checks? Oh, scuse me. A lotta people new t’the real world don’t know whut that means. It’s like uncle Jedro used t’do. He’d have 2 differ’nt bank accounts no money t’speak of in neither one of’em. He’d write a big fat check on one, then before it got t’that bank, he’d deposit another fat check on the other bank t’cover it. Jist kept bouncin’ back’n forth like at. Didn’t take no real money, jist rubber. Worked real good ’til ‘e got a little tipsy one day’n forgot which bank needed a new rubber check. Had t’stretch out in jail fer a while.

Ain’tat whut’s goin’ on right now with all them furrin countries bailin’ out each other? Hey, we started it by bailin out banks an’ car cumpnies’n everthang, usin’ rubber checks t’do it, didn’ we? Jist keep at paper money bouncin’ around, an’ pretty soon, we’ll all wind up like uncle Jedrow. Drunk an’ in the hoosgow. Seems like we’re halfway there already. I know I’m feelin’ giddy. Ain’tchew?

Nomination of Kagan Leaves Some Longing on the Left

Duh’h! Seems t’me like at’s whut started it all. A longin’ on the left. I mean all iss news analasys is jist fer show. Them news boys gotta earn ‘eyr pay. Everbody knows she’s a ol’ Chicago buddy’a DaddyO’s. At leas’tat. Ain’t nobody said whut else ‘ey had goin’ on in the windy city. Bu’tat’s a good thang about DaddyO. He takes care’a his ole buddies frum Chicago. Didn’t git the big head when he got t’be the BIG Daddy. I like at. Sorta.

At’s about all we got time for frum the Times, but we need a little sumpm frum the Post Toastie in Washinton. Cain’t leave them out. Ey’re already havin’ t’sell out their wife. You ‘member her. Name’s Newsweek. Pore girl. ‘Ey been together since back in the 1930′s I hear. Less see whu’tay got. Oh here it is.

Aah, ain’tat cute. The Posties’ve jist started a love affair with Kagan too. Suprise suprise! (Yeh, I stole at sayin’ frum a friend’a my friend Andy. But he won’t care. He’s a good ole boy). Here’s at big headline…

Kagan would emphasize Supreme Court moving in new direction

Uh-h-h… Duh-h? So we’re gonna have more change? Now at’s whut we need f’shore!

Like at ole boy Siggy said, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” Sigmund FREUD – Psychoanalysis (1910)

First thang, they’s all ese i thangs. Pods, pads, phones’n stuff. Aye got all ‘ese apps on’em. I was gonna git me one’a them apps t’fix m’breakfast. Bu’tay only got ones at make franch toast. At’s sissy stuff. At stuff’s made with store-bought aigs. I wont real vittals. Like a big ole slab a’country ham an goose aigs’n stuff. An I’m not spendin’ my hard-earned 99 cents ’til aye got one at’ll do it.

But hang on. At’s not my point. My point is apps ain’t the problem. Powerpoint is. At’s whut the genrals actually say. An’ I thought Powerpoint was old tech. But if it’s confusin’ our genrals, it’s gotta be high.

Here’s whu’tayer sayin’, an it says so in the NYT, so it must be true. ““PowerPoint makes us stupid,” Gen. James N. Mattis of the Marine Corps, the Joint Forces commander, said this month at a military conference in North Carolina. (He spoke without PowerPoint.) Brig. Gen. H. R. McMaster, who banned PowerPoint presentations when he led the successful effort to secure the northern Iraqi city of Tal Afar in 2005, followed up at the same conference by likening PowerPoint to an internal threat.

But thair’s hope, cause ‘ey say, “…the program does come in handy when the goal is not imparting information, as in briefings for reporters. The news media sessions often last 25 minutes, with 5 minutes left at the end for questions from anyone still awake. Those types of PowerPoint presentations, Dr. Hammes said, are known as “hypnotizing chickens.”

Now at’s purty smart!

One more thang. Member how we use’ta say when we didn’t unnerstan sumpm, “At’s Greek t’me?” At’d mean y’thank it’s so strange nobody could understand it. Actually I thank Latin is stranger, unless it’s Pig Latin. But Greek gits blamed fer strange. Anyhow it turns out that the Greeks ain’t so strange after all. ‘ey’re jis like everbody else. They’ve run up They’re gummint credit cards t’the point they caint pay’em off jis like our gummint has.

Only difference in tnem an us is they’re gittin‘ bailouts, but our gummint is givin‘ bailouts. An’ we ain’t got the money t’bail nobody out. We jis got credit card cumpnys dumb enough to let us keep our cards. Now we can all understand at cain’t we?

Whut is it Siggy says? Here it is: Sigmund FREUD: “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” Psychoanalysis (1910)

An’nem people on TV that calls they selves journalists or reporters or commentators (they all thank mighty highly of they selves) jist egg it on. Ever see some guest on TV ‘at speaks softly? If y’do, y’won’t hear that’n agin. The job of TV is to promote the fight, not calm it down. Stops bein’ a fight, they all jist move on t’sumpm that is.

An another thang. Why do they always say the governor signed such n’such bill. Aint thare some gang called a legislature that had sumpm t’do with it? Don’t the whole elected bunch have sumpm t’do with it? I spect whoever’s writin’ or sayin’ the news picks the way it’ll seem like heshe wants it to.

Of course, as usual, Washinton has got to be the center of it. They’s a fight somewhere, them boys up’air cain’t stand to stand by. They all got to pick a side an’ jump in. Which side? The side that’s not the side of their opponents, whutever side that is. Y’see they cain’t be heard or seen fightin’ against you an me. They gotta fight FOR us. Or that’s whut it needs t’seem like. An which us they gotta fight for? Whichever can git’em the most votes. Or the most money. Same thang.

Another thang. Is iss the same thang?

I see there’s a move to save the languages in New York City. Languages like Mamuju an Vlashki (Did I spell’em right, Mama?). Well now! How ’bout English? The’s school teachers ‘ese days at thank it’s ok t’say or spell inny word inny way you wont to. Whut ever makes you happy. An we wouldn’t wanna make you feel bad by sayin’ your sayin’ it wrong.

Ay’s people at say git, g-i-t, but wanna spell it get, g-e-t whe’nay write it. An’ney git all over me fer writin’ it like we all say it. You don’t believe me, jist start listenin real close t’them people on TV. Ebm the hifalutin ones say git an agin. Agin an agin! An, jis like me, they do a awful lot of droppin’nem pesky g and t letters on the ends of words. Jist when they talk. Not when they write. See I even get proper once in a while.

One more thang about them furrin languages they’re tryin’ t’save in New York. Mamuju is from Sulawesi. Starbucks has a coffee they call Sulawesi Kulosi. Take a big drank. Then tell me if you can speak any language. I also saw a coffee they call New England Coffee. New England? Now inny idjit knows they don’t grow no coffee in New England. But it has to have a silly name to git people to pay 4 or 5 times whut they’d pay for that fine ol’ Folgers and Maxwell House an Luzianne.

Time f’Siggy agin: Sigmund FREUD: “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” Psychoanalysis (1910)