It’s Monday agin. Oh, Joy. Another day uv old news cause the second-string news team’s been on duty so the A-team can take the weekend off.
F’starters, Jessie Jackson says the Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert is treatin’ LeBron James like a runaway slave. Way t’go, Jessie. Anythang fer a old news dude like you t’stay in the news. Jist do it on a slow news day.
How excitin! A game with no score fer two hours. If Spain and the Netherlands hadn’t broke the World Cup record f’fightin’ an dirty tricks, they wouldn’a been nuthin t’watch. Now don’chy’jist know some moneybags is gonna start a giant new American soccer league?
Now ebm at dude Robert Gibbs, the guy whut gits paid t’say nuthin’ but nice thangs about DaddyO Obama, says the Republicans could win the House in the November elections. See? more old news. ‘Ey git lots uv it o’nem Sundy news programs like Meet the Press, hosted by at second string Brian.
But ain’tat always the way? I mean one gang’a politicians gits in, breaks ever promise ‘ey can remember, an’ another team gits t’move in an break its promises. Jist like we say. More ole news. Course DaddyO put li’l Robbie up to it, don’tchy know. At’s t’make the Republicans git too cocky an figger thay got it all won so thay le’tayr guard down. We all know at sneaky trick, don’t we?
Trubble is, jist how many actors can Repubs come up with? T’win, y’gotta be a better actor that yer opponent. At’s all at counts. Issues, shmissues, it’s the best actor whut always wins. All the talkin’ heads jist play like the issues ‘ey make up are important, couse ‘ey gotta have sumpm t’blab about, but ‘ey’re jist blabbin inta the wind. THE BEST ACTOR WINS, fokes. May not be a good actor. Jist has t’be less bad at foolin people than whutever good ole boy (an at includes girls, not t’seem sexist here) heshe’s runnin aginst.
An speakin’a boys an girls. Dontchy jist git jealous sometimes, men? I mean girls always git the best stuff in life. Like can y’blieve this’un? Ye know this here Lilith Fair thay have fer women? Well, instead a’the same ole porty potties at us men’re used to, some outfit at makes them former unmentionables, women’s pads, tampons ‘an panty liners, is furnishing DE-lux accomodations t’take the place a’porty potties.
You got it. Courtesy uv Stayfree, Carfree an O.B. (all us men know whu’tay are don’t we?), the ladies have luxury potties complete with facilities t’take ‘ey’re pitchurs with ‘ey’re favrite star in the potty room lounge. Well at IS with a digital image at fools people inta thinkin’ at they wuz in the potty with ‘ey’re favrite star. But still. Do them stars like Sarah McLachlan, Martina McBride, and Mary J. Blige know abou’tat?
Like at ole boy Siggy said when he invented the slip, “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory” – Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalysis (1910)
